After atime, Zaria joined him at the rocky perch.The pads of her uninjured hand wereseared with burns, and she had been so sore from the day’s efforts that she hadstruggled to build the lean-to where they would shelter for the night.Isaachad used the last of his alchemical supplies to craft a liniment for her achingmuscles, and, once she sat beside him, he spent a few minutes rubbing theherbal remedies into the skin beneath her fur.From the sounds of her grunts,she was dissatisfied with their healing.
“Runnin’low on rations,” she said, gnawing on a cut of salt meat.“Gonna be out longbefore we hit a proper town.We’ll make it, but it’s gonna get lean.Verylean.”
Isaacdidn’t answer.He kicked his feet against the pebbles.
“How’sthe arm?”
“Fine.”
“Workin’?”
Heshrugged.The sling dug into his shoulder.
“Don’tmean to put you out,” she said, “but we’ll need them spells soon enough.”
Hiswounds were healing at a rapid pace.The application of Soldier’s Rest hadalready turned the deep punctures into a meager, shallow trench, and the burnon his leg remained a concern only for the possibility of infection.The thingthat bothered him most was not the wounds themselves, but the idea that she hadshouldered most of the day’s labor in order to quicken his recovery.He wouldfeel guilty if he could not perform.
“I’lldo my best,” he said.
“Good.Good.”
The suncontinued to fall.Around them, the shadows stretched like knives.
“How’reyou feeling?”Zaria asked.
He torehis gaze off the city wreckage.She was watching him with no particularexpression, save for the gentle twitch of an ear.
“It’shard to describe.”
“Tryit.”
Helooked out over the tomb.The words had to be extracted.
“I’ve thoughtof killing my uncle before,” he said.“Many times.It wasn’t always ...anidle fantasy.I would be lying in bed, nursing the wounds, and I would think ofplans, imagine scenarios, try to guess how far I could make it before the Dietor some local soldiers hunted me down.”
Heswallowed.She offered a waterskin, which was one of their last.He felt guiltyas he took a swig.
“At thesame time,” Isaac continued, “I would start thinking about my father, and I’dhate him just as much as my uncle.I would wish he was dead, solely to freemyself.In my worst moments, I meant it with all my heart.”
Hewatched the sun crest through the dunes, bathing thesand a deep magenta.
“Iwanted to go back there.To the tower.After the chapel....”He blinked.“After I met you, I thought I’d finally worked up the courage to confront myuncle.I was going to bring my father back to my home, and I would tell Beriththat I was leaving for good, and the phrase I had decided to say was that Ihoped he would be happy with his brother, because he had certainly never beenhappy with me.”
Herubbed the sutures on his arm.
“Thatwas before I saw him here.And when I did, it just ...it happened so fast.There wasn’t time to think, I made a decision, and—”He kicked the pebbles, erupting a shower of scree.“And now that he’s dead, Ican’t stop thinking about the things I could’ve said.If I had spoken in adifferent manner, if I had been a little more grateful, if I—”
“Isaac,”Zaria said.“Stop.You were a child.”
“Iknow.”
“Youdidn’t have to do a damn thing.It’s all on him.He’s the one who did this toyou, and it ain’t your fault that brought it about.”She squeezed her fist,wincing at the burns.“It was abuse.It was wrong.”
“Iknow,” Isaac replied, looking at his lap.“I’ve always known.It’s just....”
Asilence fell between them.
“Let meask,” Zaria said.“If you could go back, right now, go back to your home witheverything you’ve learned about him, and he was there again, same as always,would you still have a go at his expense?”
