Hey, I hope you got home okay. I was wondering if you could help me out. Ada says there is a section on the website for Satin that tells you if the dark rooms have been booked for the evening. She’s having issues logging in to check, so I was hoping you would have some idea of where I’d find it. She said something about a portal. It was nice seeing you today x
Amelia sat up straight, her heart in her throat as she stared down at Jo’s message. It didn’t matter how many times she reread it; the content remained the same.
Then another message came through.
I’m tempted to just show up there this evening if the room Lia usually uses is booked and hope it’s her in there x
Amelia’s breath caught.
Jo wanted Lia tonight, and Lia—Amelia—wanted Jo.
She had no right to want that. Not now. Not after everything they’d shared lately in the light of day. But still, Amelia’s fingers were already moving. She opened the members’ portal and checked the schedule. The dark room was free.
Amelia stared at the empty time slot, her pulse pounding in her ears. She shouldn’t do it, sheknewshe shouldn’t, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave well enough alone and log out of the app. If she hadanyself-control at all, she would simply text Jo back and give her some bullshit excuse about how the darkroom was closed tonight, perhaps encourage her to rest and stay at home. Instead…she clicked the link and booked the room for nine-thirty. Two hours from now and enough time for Amelia to pull herself together…enough time for Jo to make her way across the city if she decided to.
Her hands were shaking as she logged out of the portal and brought Jo’s messages back up. God, what the hell was she doing?
The member’s portal is a separate app. I’ve just checked for you and the dark room is booked this evening.
She placed her phone down and pressed her palms into her thighs, trying to steady the ache building behind her ribs. This wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair toher, and it definitely wasn’t fair to Jo. But it was the only way she could have her. It was thelasttime she could have her. Because once tonight was over and Friday came around, Amelia would be forthcoming with the truth. No matter what Jo said to her, no matter how much she wanted to be Lia for Jo, Amelia couldn’t do it anymore.
It means so much that you’ve just done that for me. Knowing what we know now, knowing we want more with each other but can’t…that was incredibly selfless of you x
Amelia swallowed as a tear slid down her cheek. None of this was selfless. Amelia was a selfish bitch. But when Jo was with her as Lia, she wasn’t guarded. She wasn’t afraid of the future. She allowed herself to feel. She let Amelia touch her, and worship her, and whisper things in the dark that she’dneversay in the daylight. And Amelia lived for those moments. Sheclungto them. Becauseinthose moments, she wasn’t someone Jo had to avoid loving. She was just someone Jo wanted.
Tonight is the beginning of the end.
Her phone buzzed again.
I mean it, Amelia. Thank you x
Amelia exhaled a deep breath and closed her eyes. The lie sat heavy in her chest, the pain of knowing what she was doing made her body physically ache, but she would get her comeuppance on Friday night…and she accepted that.
I hope tonight is what you need. Take care heading out into the city x
She cleared her throat and set her phone down on the coffee table in front of her. She should start getting ready, but Amelia found herself unable to move.
Another message.
I would have invited you along for a drink, but if she’s there, I can’t have you both in my headspace at the end of the night. I’m already struggling. I’m sorry x
Amelia placed a hand to her chest and sobbed quietly into the silence of her living room. Jo was forthcoming with her feelings, while Amelia continued to lie.
She didn’t reply. She couldn’t. Because what exactly would she say?
Actually, that booking? That’s me. It’s always been me.
But that truth wouldn’t give her Jo. Not the way Lia could. She leaned forward, locked her phone, and forced herself to focus on what Jo needed tonight. Whether Amelia wanted to back out or not was beside the point. She’d already made her decision. And now, she would spend the next two hours craving Jo Bleasdale.
Chapter Seventeen
The taxi pulledto a slow stop outside the entrance to Satin, its sign softly illuminated in the haze of the evening drizzle. Jo stared out of the window, her hands gripping her phone tight, her heart hammering the way it had been since she’d left her flat. Jo knew she’d made a split-second decision to come here without knowing if Lia was around or not, but she didn’t care. She would rather risk it being someone else than missing out on a few uninterrupted hours with a woman who reminded her of how it felt to be wanted.
There was just something about tonight that wouldn’t let her stay at home. She’d tried. God, she’d tried to reason with herself and convince herself that this wasn’t good for her, but her body and her mind had other plans.
She handed cash to the driver and stepped out, using her clutch bag to protect her hair as she walked towards the entrance. She didn’t even bother checking if she had mascara under her eyes or if her lipstick was still decent. She didn’t care. All she could focus on right now was seeing Lia.
When she was granted access and stepped inside, the club was quieter than usual. Midweek always had that muted hush about it. Instead of the loud chatter and clinking glasses thatcame with the weekend, Jo was offered softer music and that seductive low hum of people who had come here to escape their lives for a few hours. She pulled her shoulders back as she passed the reception desk with a smile and headed straight for the lounge.
