“I mean, yeah, it’s complicated. I get what you’re saying.” Ada lifted a brow. “But messy? No. I don’t believe it is. Not unless youmakeit messy.”
Jo sat back and dragged a hand through her hair. “We’re meeting on Friday to talk. I have two days to sort myself out and somehow find the ability to function like a normal human being around her.”
“Good. That’s…yeah, that’s good.” Ada sipped her tea. “And about time, too.”
“She specifically said just to talk and that’s all. Which makes me think that we’re both aware it could turn into something more if we’re not careful. That’s what scares me. How quickly both of us seem to unravel when we tell ourselves we won’t.”
“Jo, you’ve always been brave,” Ada said gently. “But I think this time, you’re scared because you actually want it. Youwanther.”
“I don’t just want her.” Jo’s voice broke. “I think…God, I think I’m a little bit in love with her.”
“It’s about time you admitted that.” Ada’s eyes softened. “And now I have to ask…why shouldn’t you be allowed to feel that way?”
“Because of Callum, obviously.”
While Jo loved and appreciated Ada for her constant support, she couldn’t stand to hear the simplicity of it all. It wasn’t simple, it wouldneverbe simple, and the sooner people realised that, the sooner Jo could fall apart and actuallyfullyrealise she could never have Amelia Loughlin. No matter who she was or wasn’t, no matter what they did or didn’t feel for one another…it justcouldn’thappen. Not in this lifetime.
“Callum,” Ada said with a scoff, “is a cheating arsehole who lost the right to have a say inanythingabout your life when he climbed into bed with that fucking yogi who believes you can survive on fresh air and that positivity pays the fucking bills! Don’t youdarelet him keep you from finding someone who actually makes you feel good about yourself again.”
Jo pressed her lips together as emotion welled in her throat.
“If Amelia wants you, and you want her, then who exactly is being hurt?” Ada asked. “Because from where I’m sitting,nobodyis being hurt. You’re both consenting adults. The only problem is the story you’re telling yourself in your own head.”
Jo swallowed. “I just…I don’t want to make her life harder.”
Ada gave Jo a knowing look. “From what you’ve told me, I think she can handle herself just fine.”
“She can handle herself, you’re right, but that doesn’t mean I want to upend everything and see her fighting with Callum. He’s her son, regardless of what you and I think of him. He’s all she has.” Jo didn’t know Amelia’s background, they’d never been close enough for her to ask those sorts of personal questions, but aside from Amelia’s best friend, Jo couldn’t recall a moment when any family members had been around. Even in those days of getting to know Callum, he refused point-blank to discuss his dad. Jo didn’t have a name for him, she’d never come across a photograph of him, and Amelia hadn’t brought him up in any conversations. “I’d never forgive myself if we started dating one another and Callum cut her from his life.”
“This is tough, and I know you feel like you’ll never have that happy ending, but people adapt. Sure, Callum is going to lose his shit when he finds out, but really…Amelia is entitled to sleep with whoever she wants. And that includes you, too.”
“I’ve been hiding behind Lia because it was easier, but seeing Amelia today? It made me realise that I can’t pretend that what I’m feeling is just lust anymore. It’s not about the sex or the fantasy. I want to be near her. I want to know what her day was like and spent the evening alone with her, just…wrapped up in her arms. I want to see her in that fucking lingerie again and not have to pretend that I’m unaffected by it all.”
Ada grinned. “Yep. Definitely sounds like love to me.”
“Alright!” Jo let out a shaky laugh. “Don’t push it.”
“I think that Friday could be a turning point for you both. And if it’s not? You’ll figure it out. You always do.”
Jo leaned against her and rested her head on Ada’s shoulder. “Thanks for being here. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Always.” Ada draped an arm around Jo and kissed her hair. “Now, finish your tea and let’s find a film where nobody has sex with their ex’s mum.”
Jo snorted. “I think you’re safe. That sort of storyline is mostly reserved for porn.”
“Well, you know…I’m not opposed if you need to pick up some pointers.”
For the first time today, Jo felt herself relax and accept that whatever would be, would be. She couldn’t change the direction of her fate, and she couldn’t change how she felt, but she could hope for a good outcome just for tonight. Still… “There isn’t a hope in hell that I’m sitting here watching porn with my best friend!”
Amelia had been curledup on the couch since she’d finished dinner, a glass of wine untouched on the side table, her eyes glazed over as some soap opera played quietly in the background. She wasn’t watching it, couldn’t possibly even say what it was called, because her mind, as usual, was firmly on Jo.
Every moment of their unexpected meeting earlier lingered. The way Jo had looked at her as though she was some kind of storm she didn’t know how to weather. The way she’d flushed, stumbled over her words, and tried so hard to play it cool but failed. Amelia had barely slept since their call at the weekend, she’d just about managed to function when it came to work…and now here she was again. Stuck and miserable. Whenever she closed her eyes, Jo’s moans played on repeat. When she sat in the silence, she imagined too vividly what it would be like to have her again, in person, her body trembling and her breath hot and heavy against Amelia’s neck instead of through a phone.
She’d tried to shake it off since the moment it had all happened, but those thoughts and those memories just wouldn’t leave her. They were seared into her memory, and right now, Amelia’s greatest fear was that it would be all she’d have left of Jo once the truth was revealed.
When her phone buzzed beside her, she reached for it immediately.
It was Jo.
