Amelia let her hand wander over Jo’s bare thigh, her skin still hot to the touch. For a moment, she allowed herself to pretend that this was okay. That Jo was hers, no lines had been crossed, and no consequences were on the horizon.
But reality quickly set in again. Amelia had always been the careful one. The quiet one. She’d watched Jo fall in love with her son, and then she’d watched him break her heart, never daring to be forthcoming with how she felt. But here, in the darkness, she found Jo’s lips again. The kiss was gentle, lingering…and Amelia was savouring what she knew she may never have again. This impossible moment with Jo Bleasdale.
Jo pressed closer, her hand wrapped around the back of Amelia’s neck as she kissed her with a little more fire this time. When she drew back, she whispered, “I feel like I know you.” God, that voice…those lips. Could Amelia be honest? Jo sighed. “Even though I don’t.”
Maybe you do, Amelia wanted to speak that out loud, but the consequences remained firm in her mind. If she did come clean, Jo would probably cut contact with her. Lately, coffee with Jo was the only thing she looked forward to. “Will you be here again?”
Jo smiled against Amelia’s lips and said, “What do you think?”
She enjoyed it more than I thought she would. Amelia didn’t know what to do with that information. Would Jo be back here solely for her again, or was she happy to give herself to anyone who was in this room? Jo didn’t seem like that kind of person, but what did Amelia know? She had only been the woman who had admired her from afar for several years. “I’d like to see you in here again…”
Silence settled over them as they held one another, wrapped up in the shadows…and now secrets. Amelia memorised the feel of Jo’s body against her, the taste of her skin, the tightening of her walls as she came undone around Amelia’s fingers. A shiver ghosted up her spine, and then came the disconnection as Jo slipped out of Amelia’s arms. “Maybe you will.”
And just like that…Jo was gone, walking out of the curtain and leaving Amelia alone in the dark. Only this time, the room seemed darker and far lonelier than it ever had before. If she closed her eyes and focused, Amelia could still hear Jo’s breathy moans as she writhed and arched beneath her.
Amelia sat painfully still, letting the cool air in the room brush over her flushed skin. She wished she’d said what she wanted to say. What sheneededto say. She lifted a trembling hand and touched her lips to where Jo had just kissed her. She could still taste her. She could still feel the sensation of Jo’s arms wrapped around her in the dark. So many years of wanting her, pushing it down, hiding it all away…it had just grown exponentially.
Tonight had been reckless, and to many, it would have been unforgiveable. But Amelia hadn’t been able to stop herself the moment Jo shivered under the touch of her fingertips. She knew what Jo had been going through since the split, and she had wanted to comfort her. To remind her that she was beautiful, and that Callum had never known what he had when he was with Jo. She’d wanted to make her feel cherished and wanted. Amelia had also selfishly wanted to take something for herself, too. And Jo had given it so freely. She had put her trust in the person behind the curtain. Amelia pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, willing her tears to remain at bay.
It would be the easiest thing in the world to rush out after Jo, to stand before her and tell her it had been Amelia in this room. To say…I wanted you, and I always have. But that would shatter everything between them, and Amelia wasn’t willing to risk it. It had been a fantasy for Jo, the unknown of the dark room in the club, and Amelia would be wise to remember that.
Above all else, Jo was vulnerable. She was hurting. The last thing Amelia wanted was to confuse her and make her question what had happened in the room. To…question herself. None of that was necessary. Not right now.
And so, Amelia had decided. She wouldn’t tell Jo. Not yet, and maybe not ever. Jo was on a journey of discovering a new life for herself, and Amelia owed her the space to find what she was looking for. Tonight was a secret she would keep close to her chest. But even as she tried to convince herself, Amelia knew she would replay every moment of this night for a long time to come. Every touch, every gasp, every whispered word.
She rose to her feet and dressed in silence, moving slowly as she mulled over everything in her mind. When she finally stepped out into the hallway, choosing to exit via a side door, the cold immediately gave her some kind of clarity. She felt lighteras the cool air brushed her face, her clammy palms beginning to settle down.
And as she turned for the direction of home, she promised herself that she would keep Jo safe from this secret. At least…for now.
Chapter Three
With a deep senseof dread sitting in her stomach, Amelia paced the kitchen floor, going over everything in her mind. She’d spent the last hour trying to take a normal breath, but the storm raging inside her showed very little sign of breaking. Evelyn—or Evie, as she preferred—was on her way over. She’d been summoned by Amelia’s trembling voice when she’d called her a little while ago. She didn’t know if she could say the words out loud that needed to be said, but she did know she couldn’t carry this alone.
Evie was her best friend and her anchor. She was the one Amelia always turned to when the ground felt as though it might split open beneath her feet. She was also the one who had introduced her to Satin, and the only other person who truly understood what that place meant. Satin wasn’t just a club; it was a sanctuary and a place to lose yourself. Or, in Amelia’s case, find someone you never meant to.
Just relax. Jo has no idea it was you.
Right now, that single thread of certainty was all Amelia had to hold onto. Everything else was a mess in her head. Her memories, her hopes, her fears. They all whirred around at an unnecessary speed. Still, Jo had put Amelia’s mind at rest.Her cheery text message this morning, confirming their weekly coffee, hinted that Jo was unaware of the identity of the stranger in the room last night.
And now, as Amelia tried to breathe and find some semblance of calm, she allowed her mind to dangerously wander back to last night. She imagined the feeling of Jo’s silky blonde hair running through her fingers, and the shape of her hip beneath Amelia’s palm. The impossible sweetness of Jo’s arousal. She’d discovered so much about Jo last night…what made her cry out in ecstasy, what made her tremble and come undone against Amelia’s tongue.
A shiver rolled through Amelia as she lowered herself into a seat at the dining table. The quiet of the house did little to relieve her of the filthy thoughts running through her mind, but she would survive this. She had to. Still, the longer she waited for Evie, the more her mind replayed every second, every gasp, every strangled whisper. Last night had been short, almost too brief for Amelia’s usual hunger, but Jo had given her a memory that felt as though it would last a lifetime. It was seared into her, and as a result, Amelia had woken this morning and reached for the toy in her bedside drawer before she had fully opened her eyes.
The doorbell startled Amelia up out of her seat. She rushed down the hall, her heart hammering, and forced the door open. She dragged Evie inside, slamming the door shut and locking it in fear of Evie running out and not helping her through this.
“What’s going on? You sounded terrible on the phone earlier.” Evie’s worry was written all over her face, but her voice was as gentle as ever. “Love?”
“Go through to the kitchen. I’d offer you a glass of wine but, well, I’m not sure I’m in the right headspace for alcohol right now.” Amelia gestured down the hallway, then followed Evie and her confident stride. Usually, confidence bounced between themlike a spark. Today, Amelia felt as though she didn’t possess an ounce of it. No, she felt as though everything bright and bold inside of her had drained away. “I’ve just made coffee. Would you like some?”
“Oh, go on. I promised myself less caffeine, but something tells me I’m going to need it.” Evie winked and offered a soft, understanding smile as she took a seat. “No plans today?”
“No, thankfully.” That was a lie. Jo would be here soon, but Amelia chose to keep that tucked safely away for now. “Will you be at Satin tonight?”
“No. I thought I’d spend the weekend at home. Last week was quite the experience.”
Satin. That word always caused a jolt of something wild and dangerous deep inside of her. Evie had been the one to show her its shadowy corners and secret doors, and she’d quickly learned that she preferred the privacy of the dark room. “Too much for you?”
“Not in the moment, it wasn’t. But the next day…fucking hell. I hadnoidea I was so flexible or capable of so many orgasms in one night.” Evie’s nonchalance was so familiar that it made Amelia’s shoulders loosen just a little. “You should give the public room a try if you have the stamina. Not knowing what’s coming is quite something.”
