Amelia’s breath caught.Thatalways seems to be me.“What’s on your mind, Jo?”
Jo sighed, and Amelia could almost hear her fidgeting on the other end. The nerves, the hesitation, all of it was probably wrapped up in a box with a neat little bow on top. “Last night’s been playing on my mind. You, me…you know?”
“Yes, I know.”
“It scares me,” Jo said. “Not because I didn’t want it. But because I did. Too much.”
Silence settled between them. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was a silence that seemed loaded with so many emotions.
“I’ve been thinking about how ridiculous all of this is,” Jo continued as she laughed. “You’re my ex’s mum, for God’s sake. I mean, even saying that out loud feels like some kind of joke.”
“Yeah,” Amelia said quietly. She didn’t want to be a joke to someone. Not even Jo if it meant she could have her. “I’m sorry about that.”
“And we both agreed, didn’t we? That it would be downright stupid to get involved.”
“Very stupid,” Amelia echoed, trying to figure out if Jo was hoping to convince herself…or both of them. Because while Amelia knew people would talk, it no longer felt like a stupid idea to be involved with one another. Not when Jo looked at her the way she did. Not when they’d almost kissed. Amelia couldn’t recall the last time she’d stood on her doorstep and allowed a moment like that to take over her, but last night it had almost happened.
“And yet,” Jo went on, “I keep wanting to.”
Amelia closed her eyes and rested her head back. God, this was a complete mess.
“But I won’t. Ican’t. I think that maybe friendship is the only thing I can manage with you right now. And honestly? I’m lucky to even have that.”
Amelia’s throat tensed. She wanted to tell Jo shecould have more, but what right did she have? Not only had she been the one to lay out some kind of invisible line they couldn’t cross, but she wasn’t being entirely honest either. Not where it mattered most. “I don’t know where we go from here, but I’dneverwant to lose your friendship.”
“Me neither.” Jo sighed, then said, “At least I still have Lia.”
Amelia’s pulse stuttered. “I’m sorry?”
Jo laughed, almost in a self-deprecating manner. “You know. The dark room. The thing I do when I’mnotbeing emotionally responsible.”
A thousand words rushed to the tip of Amelia’s tongue, but they instantly died there. “R-right.”
“She makes it easier,” Jo murmured. “Not to think. Not to feel too much. I know that sounds messed up.”
“It doesn’t sound messed up, Jo. If that’s what you need, then that’s what you need.”
“It’s not sustainable, and I know that, but right now, it’s enough. Until I’m ready for something…real.”
Amelia’s fingers tightened around the edge of the armrest. The urge to confess surged up like a wave, wild and brutal, but desperately needed. For both of their sakes.
Tell her. Tell her before she says something that breaks you.
But then Jo laughed again, and it was music to Amelia’s ears. “She said the funniest thing last time. About how my breath gives me away. That even when I say nothing, I say everything.”
Amelia smiled through the sting of tears in her eyes. She remembered saying that. She rememberedeverybreath Jo had taken in the dark…and she would carry those moments forever. Hidden and unspoken. Because here, right now, hearing the affection in Jo’s tone for a woman she didn’t even realise was Amelia…Amelia knew she couldn’t tell her. Not when Jo had just told her thatLiawas helping her survive the space between heartbreak and healing. If she told her now, Jo would feel betrayed. It would ruin them. All of it.
“Amelia?” Jo said softly. “You’ve gone quiet.”
Amelia gripped the edge of the armrest tighter, steadying her voice before she replied. “I’m here. Just listening.”
“You okay?”
She nodded. “Yes. I don’t want to miss anything you’re telling me.”
Jo let out a nervous laugh. “You always say things like that. Like I’m worth listening to.”
“You are,” That came out before Amelia could stop it.
