Amelia leaned her head back against the armchair. The sky outside was painfully blue, but inside, it was more miserablethan it had ever been. “I didn’t want to give her a reason to run,” she said. “And I was afraid that if I told her the truth, that I was Lia, she’d feel betrayed. Violated, even.”
“She might still feel that way when she finds out the truth, but it could go the other way, and she might finally understand that she’s never actually had to choose between two people.”
That thought had haunted Amelia all night.
“She’s been trying so hard to be decent,” Amelia whispered. “To do the right thing. And all the while, I’ve been there, in both spaces, letting her think she’s torn between two women when it’s just been me. God, what kind of person does that?”
“One who’s lonely. One who finally let herself feel something real again.”
Amelia covered her eyes with her hand. “I’m such a fucking coward.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I thought I could keep it separate,” Amelia went on, “and then I realised she was starting to fall for me,Lia, and I still said nothing. I thought maybe I could stop. Just pull back and let her make her choice. But then she asked me to dinner and…I wanted her to choose me. Not the anonymity. Not the fantasy. Me.”
“And she did.”
Amelia let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know how to fix it.”
“You tell her,” Evie said matter-of-factly.
Amelia’s chest ached at that. “And risk losing her?”
“You risk losing her either way, Amelia. But at least this way, you’re being honest. You’re giving her the chance to choose youfully. She deserves that.”
Running a hand through her hair, Amelia closed her eyes and took a moment to consider her options. It was easy for Evie to tell her to be honest, but Evie wasn’t the one who would lose everything when it all turned to shit. “I don’t know how.”
“You start by telling her the truth…and you do it soon. Before the space she’s asked for turns into distance that neither of you knows how to tackle.”
Amelia swallowed down her emotions. She could already picture it now. Jo’s face when she revealed that she was Lia. The hurt, the pain, the confusion in those beautiful blue eyes. Perhaps Amelia should just cut all ties with Jo and hope she never found out the truth. It certainly seemed easier as she sat here thinking. “I’m terrified,” she finally admitted. “But I brought this on myself, and I have to face the consequences.”
“If there are any consequences.”
“Oh, there will be.” Amelia scoffed. She knew better than to imagine any other outcome. “Trust me…there will be a lot of consequences.”
The sun had shiftedto the other side of the house by the time the late afternoon had come around. Amelia had found herself chasing it all day, moving from room to room to feel the warmth on her face, and now here she sat…in the quiet of her office, curled up in her armchair with her second untouched coffee of the day. She’d spent the last hour rehearsing the conversation in her head, fear continuously rising from deep within.
Jo, I need to tell you something. You haven’t been torn between two women. It’s just been me the whole time. I’m Lia.
God, each time she went over it in her head, it sounded worse than the last time.
The panic had started to creep in just after her call with Evie. Telling Jo the truth seemed brave in theory—perhaps empowering, too—but now, the closer she got toactuallydoing it, the more it felt like striking a match in a house full of petrol.
Amelia’s stomach dropped when her phone started to ring on the arm of the chair.
Jo.
For a moment, she just stared at the screen. She wasn’t ready; she wasn’t prepared. But letting the call ring out felt worse. That was a kind of cowardice she wasn’t willing to live with.
She answered on the fifth ring. “Hi.”
“Hey,” Jo said, hesitation noticeable in her tone. “Is…this a bad time?”
“No, of course not.” Amelia shifted in her seat. “Is everything okay?”
There was a pause on the line, but Amelia understood. Neither of them knew what was going on lately. Jo didn’t need all of this, though. She was supposed to be moving on from Callum, living her life and enjoying herself, not worrying on a call to Amelia.
“I needed to talk to someone.”
