I wished she would talk to me, but other than sending me“If You’re Still Listening”at 3 am, we haven't talked.
And I missed her. I knew she was coming to the game, and I wanted to talk to her. But first, I wanted to play my first game and put this nightmare of recovery behind me. I needed to be as focused as I could so I wouldn’t screw up. It was bad enough that my anxiety was skyrocketing, and I was overthinking the whole 'almost kiss' scenario. It would be best to clear the air, but I was locked in on my game.
“Hey, you okay?” Max grabbed my shoulder and flashed me a grin. “You ready?”
“Yeah,” I nodded my head in agreement, ignoring the way his dark eyes bore into me. “Who's starting?”
I saw his grin falter for a moment, and my heart sank. No matter how many times we stayed in the past weeks after everyone else left, and practiced free kicks. How many early mornings I put in. I even joined them on their early-morning runs, pushing my body to the limit. I put in the work, I missed out on two games already, and being benched again after being given the false hope sucked.
“I want Seb to start, just to test the waters, but I will sub him for you. Coach and I both think you can't do a full 90 minutes, but I want you out there with me.”
It sucked, being told to sit it out, but there was still a glimmer of hope that maybe at some point, I'll be playing.
“Of course,” I pasted a smile on my face and nodded. “I totally get it.”
And while I did, it didn't take away from how much it sucked.
I reached for my hoodie and pulled it over my head, as there was no need to sit in my uniform.
My stomach knotted from the anger as my teammates spilled onto the field, and I took my seat on the bench next to the otheralternates.
Max, Aaron, and Maddox stood close by, staring above me, probably waving at the girl who wore their jerseys in support. Aaron's lips twisted in a sour smile as he shook his head at the same time my Apple Watch buzzed. I didn't have my phone on me, but I still saw the message and the image come through on the small screen.
We can't wait to see you on the field.
The attached photo made my heart melt. Nova, Daisy, Ivy, and Rosalie wore my jersey as they were blowing kisses to the camera. I wasn't surprised Nova chose mine, but the fact that Ivy wore it despite her superstar boyfriend being the main action did. But most of all, my heart did a little happy dance as I stared at Rosie's flushed cheeks as she sported my jersey.
If I thought she looked sexy in workout clothes, seeing her in my jersey was a hundred times sexier. She wore simple jeans and tied my shirt, exposing a bit of her midriff. She looked cute as hell, and I really wanted to kiss her.
Again.
“All of them are wearing your jersey,” Sebastian muttered to me as he passed by. “Talk about having no support.”
“Well, you're still starting,” I shrugged, looking up. It felt great to know people believed in me, even if my team captain didn't.
“I would be very careful with Rosie,” he lowered his voice, malice lacing his words. “You know how overprotective Aaron is.”
“In case you missed it, everyone is wearing my jersey, and I don't see you giving me advice on Ivy or Nova.” I arched a brow as my heart hammered in my chest.
I was indeed on thin ice with my unrealistic feelings towards Rosie, and I needed to be careful.
The game around me started as I settled into my seat, allowing the phantom pain in my knee to pulse through me. I knew the signs of fake pain when my brain was playingwith me, and I knew real pain. Distinguishing the two was the hardest lesson I was learning.
My knee bounced as my team scored within the first ten minutes. The Greenwood Alligators stood no chance when Maddox and Max executed a perfectly choreographed piece. They worked together seamlessly, and it always surprised me that Maddox never made it to the National Team. But now with Ander out there was a big opening in our age group for another midfielder. I hoped he made it.
It was hard not to notice the small things when looking from the outside. I've never been on the bench before, and seeing the play develop and mistakes happen from the outside was a great learning opportunity that helped me identify them once on the field. That was the whole reason game tape watching existed. But seeing it all play out and not being able to do anything about it was even more frustrating.
Another ball made it into the goal, and I cheered together with my team, despite feeling the sour taste in my mouth as I swallowed. They were gonna sub me in once they made sure there was no pressure on me.
And just as I predicted, Coach ordered the swap, sending me to warm up as he signaled to the referee. Just minutes later, a very sweaty Sebastian appeared, and we shook hands before I stepped onto the field.
I might have blacked out from the happiness of being back playing, but I wanted to stay grounded and present. It seemed like time slowed as the whole stadium screamed my name and cheered me on.
This was it; it was all worth it to be standing here again.
Glancing up, my eyes immediately found Rosie, who cupped her hands around her mouth and screamed, making me laugh.
Max and Maddox jogged over, and they both slapped me on the back. “Youready to be back?”
