His blue eyes flashed with desire that I recognized from the night at the soccer field, and his eyes dropped to my lips. This time I didn't wear any lip-gloss and I self-consciously licked them.
A low groan sounded from Derek's throat, and I was convinced he was going to kiss me. It was the perfect time, with the sunset, and after we both opened up. He couldn't say we were just friends any longer.
Friends didn't look at each other the way he devoured me.
Friends didn't share their deepest secrets with each other.
This wasn't all in my head.
He had to like me.
His thumb caressed my flushed cheek absently, like he was waging a war inside his head, trying to decide whether to kiss me or not.
It was a decision, because he was in the process of earning back his place on the team where he played with my overprotective brother.
Trust was already fragile between all of them, and they didn't think Dex could deliver as a striker anymore.
The last thing he needed was me to complicate this for him.
I gently pulled away, out of his reach, and settled on the otherside of the bench. My eyes burned with unshed tears as I denied myself the thing I wanted the most since I met him.
Instead, I watched as Daisy and Jeremy exchanged their perfect first kiss under the sunset.
I cleared my throat and turned to face Dex. His jaw was tense, and his dark eyes stared at the floor.
“We should go,” I muttered, my voice hoarse from all the emotions. “I think Daisy is going to be fine.”
He absently nodded, trying to even remember why we came here in the first place. “Cool.”
“Derek,” I called after him as he stood. “About earlier...”
“Don't worry, it was a mistake,” he said, shaking his head.
The knife I plunged into my chest twisted, and it took all those years of training and handling pain to not let my tears slip.
“So, we're okay?” I asked, my voice all raspy.
“We're good,” he nodded, pushing his hands in his pockets. “Let's go.”
We didn't talk all the way back. Not a single word, and I couldn't help but wonder that we were not okay, that I broke us even before we had a chance to become something more.
So, after he dropped me off at the dorm silently, only saying a tentative good night and driving off, I cried under the hot sprays of the shower, before crawling into bed with my phone.
I scrolled through the endless acoustic covers I had saved and made a new playlist called“If You’re Still Listening.”
CHAPTER NINE
DEREK
Music blasted through my headphones as I dressed in our uniform, ready for the game. I listened to Rosie's newest gut-wrenching playlist, which wasn't the best pump-up music before our… my first game. The first game where I was actually going to play. I still wasn't sure if I was going to be a starter. Coach and Max haven't told me much, but I've been busting my ass all week to show I'm doing better.
Opening up to Rosie, not just my therapist, helped me accept my position and move on, but the way she pulled away when I was about to kiss her messed with my head.
Did I misread the signs? No. I knew she wanted it, yet she pulled away, and I couldn't wrap my head around it.
I was convinced she wanted it, and the only reason I hesitated was out of respect for Aaron. But by the time I decided fuck it and kiss her, she was already on the other side of the bench, swallowing her tears.
I didn't get it, and it frustrated me.
