Hours later, I saw, through puffy eyes, the nurse rolling my daughter into my room. I cried as I looked at her for the first time. My grandparents never left my side, even while I slept. The nurse handed my daughter to me, and I looked down at thebeautiful baby girl with ginger-colored hair that matched mine and Nana’s. She had Jude’s deep, brown eyes and butt chin.
“Hi, Reign. I’m your mommy, Harley. I finally get to see the little person who has been kicking me for months,” I said.
Reign smiled at me as she tried to wrap her tiny finger around mine. The feeling was surreal. After all of that time, I could see and hold her. As the realization that Jude wasn’t there with us sank in, I cried. My tears were silent, as I didn’t want to scare Reign. As I cried, she cried as well, but her cries were for a different reason.
“It’s time for her to eat again,” the nurse said as she handed me a bottle.
I took the bottle from the nurse and fed my baby for the first time. Her cries quieted as she drank the bottle. I stared at her in awe. The realization that I had become a widow and single parent was heartbreaking. Jude and I had so many plans to do this together, and doubt filled me as I thought of what the future held for Reign and me.
The soundof my email alerted me to a new message. I hesitated before I sat down at the computer to check it. My nerves were all over the place. Part of me was eager to see what the email entailed. It could finally be the one I waited for, so I took a deep breath and sat down in front of the computer.
Congratulations, Harley Gray. We are excited to offer you a teaching position at the Locust Valley Academy.
I read the first lines of the message in disbelief. It was the confirmation I needed. I’d been waiting since Reign’s birthday a few months prior, when I didn’t even know if I wanted to move back home. We’d been on our own for the past five years, and life was okay, but I missed my grandparents.
I hadn’t been home since Jude’s burial, because it was too painful. My grandparents reminded me almost daily that I didn’t have to do it alone. Part of me just didn’t want to share Reign with anyone. I knew it sounded crazy, and my therapist said it was part of my grieving process. When I applied for the job in Locust Valley, I told myself that if they gave me the position, it was time to go home.
I took a deep breath and re-read the email. My starting date was exactly one month away, which was plenty of time to settle my affairs in Oak River. Oak River had been my home since Jude and I were married over eleven years ago, when I was eighteen.
I never moved out of the apartment Jude and I shared. To move felt too final for me. It meant I had to let go of the last place we called home. Our home was where we were going to raise Reign together. Although I raised Reign by myself, being there felt like Jude was there with us.
Reign was downstairs, having a play date with my landlord’s granddaughter. My landlord, Kay, had been a godsend to Jude and me. We had a difficult time getting people to rent to two college students. Kay took a chance on us and rented out the top unit in her two-story building.
The building only had three units, each on a separate floor. Kay stayed on the second floor. There was another tenant in the basement. Kay was an older woman who treated us like family. Even when Jude died, she showed me grace, never pestering me about paying rent. When I went back to work, I paid our back rent as well.
It would be hard to tell Kay I was leaving. It felt like I was leaving behind another grandparent. I replied to the email and formally accepted the position. A deep sigh left my lips as I headed downstairs to give her the news. My steps felt heavy, causing the walk to feel longer than usual. As I approached Kay’sdoor, I heard laughter from Reign and Kay’s granddaughter, Mel. After a couple of soft knocks, Kay opened the door.
“Hey, I was just going to grab the girls a snack. Come in and have a seat. Do you want some wine?” Kay asked.
“Oh, no, I’m good. I just came to talk to you before taking Reign home,” I said.
Kay walked into the kitchen, and I followed. The girls were in Mel’s bedroom, having a good time, playing tea party. Kay moved around, cutting up some fruit. When she finished, she took the girls their plates. Kay made her way back into the kitchen. Once Kay was seated, she stared at me.
“Harley, is everything okay? You’re looking a little funny,” she said.
“I have some news, but I’m not sure how to tell you,” I expressed.
“Well, just blurt it out, Harley.”
“I applied for a teaching job in Locust Valley, and they emailed me a little while ago to offer me the position. I accepted it,” I explained.
Kay tilted her head to the side with a confused look on her face. “You’re moving?”
I nodded in confirmation.
“I’m sorry. I’m just shocked. Congratulations! I’m happy for you, yet sad for me all at once. I really wasn’t expecting this,” she affirmed.
“I know, but I think it’s time. Reign is getting older. I think it’s important for her to know her family. My grandparents and Jude’s mom are there. I feel like I’m being selfish, being so far away from them,” I said.
“I get it. There’s nothing more important than family, especially when you have people who love and care about you. Reign is a lucky girl to have so many people who love and carefor her. Let’s take this as more of see you later instead of a goodbye,” she said.
“We can definitely do that. You’re more than welcome to visit us whenever you want to. My family has plenty of room on the ranch. I’m going to head out in two weeks to give us time to get settled.”
“What about the apartment? Are you sure this is a permanent move? If you aren’t, I can hold the place for six months for you,” she offered.
“I appreciate the offer, but this is it for me. Oak River has served its purpose in my life. You can list the place. I’m going to leave the furniture behind. That should make the rental process a little easier for you,” I said.
An hour later, Reign and I said our goodbyes and headed to our place. Reign talked my ear off all the way upstairs; whenever she was excited, she was very talkative. Once we were inside for a few, she wound down. I gathered our plates so we could sit down for dinner. That night was Reign’s pick of spaghetti and meatballs. After Reign prayed over our meal, we both dug into our food.
