“It doesn’t matter anyway, Leif. This will all be over in a few days. You’ll find someone else, I promise.”
Leif shook his head, standing from the bed. “I refuse to lose you so soon after finding you. I know you don’t believe me yet, but you will.” He started to walk away, but paused and called over his shoulder, “I won’t let them take you from me. I’ll be back.” And just like that, he was out the door and down the hall.
I stood from the bed, intending to follow, but then I stopped in my tracks. There was no reason to create any more drama or tension between us. It would be over in two days anyway. I was sure of it.
He would find someone else.
My chest pinched at the thought, but I rubbed the spot where it hurt and turned back to the task at hand.
Returning to the trunk I had just pushed out of sight, I pulled it open to grab the cloths I had been waiting on and then made my way to the washroom. Even though I knew that there was no way Leif was right, I couldn’t explain why my heart seemed to grow heavier with every step I took.
After changing my cloths, I wondered if it was better to return to the training grounds to receive another beating, or just hide out in my bunk, but it turns out it didn’t matter as when I stood from tucking my dirty cloths in my pack, Otho was there.
He stood by the end of my bunk, his arms crossed over his chest, his feet shoulder width apart, his narrowed gaze focused on me. It was a soldier’s stance if I had ever seen one. As my gaze arrived at his face, I startled. I couldn’t remember the lasttime I had seen so much malice in his features. This wasn’t the Otho I had last seen in the laundry room joking about bloody noses. No, this was someone else entirely.
“You’ll never make it as a soldier.” The words were firm, unyielding.
“You said that before.” I stood to my full height, which though it was impressive for a female, was nothing compared to the General.
His dark eyes searched my face, and I wondered briefly if he was looking for something specific. Then, “I’m going to train you to be a scout. You’ll still be on the front lines, but at least you will stand a chance, however slim.”
I restrained the sigh that rose up in my chest. I don’t know why it was so hard for people to understand that I was resigned in my fate. I didn’twantto survive the front lines. I just wanted a quiet cabin in the woods with lots of forest animals around. And since that wasn’t an option in this life, I held desperately to the hope that it was in the next—something I would never find out if people kept trying to rescue me from my fate of death.
“Come,” Otho ordered, not giving any further instructions before he began moving. I followed silently, really tired of the fact that I had no control over my life, or destiny. Or anything, really.
I thought Otho was going to lead us outside, back to training, but instead, he led me into one of the most unassuming offices I had ever seen. Granted, I hadn’t been in many, outside of those at the university, but his was more simple than that even. In the center of the room there was a desk, much like the ones at the university, with a chair on one side and two chairs on the other. The chairs looked out of place, thin rickety things that were liable to break if even a single soldier sat on them—even one as lightweight as me. So as Otho closed the wooden door and sat in the chair behind the desk, I remained standing, resting my hands on the rough edge of the chair closest to the door.
As I watched the way he sat, shoulders back in a way that wasn’t proud but wasn’t ashamed either, my mind went back to the expressions on Friar’s face when I had last seen her. I wondered briefly about their relationship, but his voice snapped me from my thoughts.
“Sit,” Otho commanded as he shuffled some papers from the top of the desk.
I walked around the chair, sinking into it slowly. Surprisingly, the chair creaked but didn’t break—at least, not yet.
“Who is that man to you?” His voice was deep with a note of hostility running through it.
I don’t know what I was expecting a General to ask, but it certainly wasn’t that. It took me a moment to realize what man he was speaking of.
“Leif?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer. When he nodded, I continued. “Nothing—he’s one of Adis’s stable boys. We met when I was . . .” I trailed off, grimacing at the memory of my abuse.
“Interesting.”
It was really hard to match this version of Otho with the one I had joked with in the laundry room as he saved me from my menses, and I immediately wondered if he had perhaps overheard anything. Regardless, I wasn’t about to tell him the details of our conversation. “It’s the truth. He may feel differently, but I leave for the front lines in two days, so it doesn’t matter.”
Otho nodded, directing his attention back to papers. I assumed I had satisfied his curiosity.
“You will be a valuable scout to us.” He glanced up, perhaps to ensure I was still listening. “As a woman.” I let out a gasp. “I know we cannot let Adis know your identity, so you will train as a male here. But when you leave for the front lines, I will escort you and we will have you arrive there as a female. I will report your tragic, untimely death to Adis, and you will continue working as an off-record spy for me. Understood?”
The last word was a question, but the rest was a statement. Iopened my mouth to argue, about to tell him about my silly dream of a house in the woods when I realized . . .
This was it. This was the opportunity I had been waiting for. I would finally get to live my own life, exactly who I was. Milo would have his own life, and I would have mine.
“Understood?” he prodded again. I had been silent for far too long.
“Yes, sir,” I replied, fighting to keep the smile off my lips as he delved into the details of what would be expected from me as a scout. My mind flipped back to Friar for a moment, wondering if she would be coming with us as his partner, but I knew it was inappropriate for me to ask those types of details. Though I had to admit it would be nice to spend time with Friar as my true self rather than the version of myself who was also Milo.
He didn’t smile, though, and he gave no indication that was the answer he wanted. Rather, he continued his explanation of what I would learn over the next few days.
As I listened and soaked it all in, I felt my shoulders relaxing at the thoughts of my future—the future I never thought I would get to have.
