Something about the way his eyes bored into mine forced me to look away, my hands reaching for my pack, for anything to do with them to make this moment less awkward.
“The good news is, now that you are here, we can spend more time together without your annoying cousin interfering.”
I stopped mid-pack. “Leif . . .” My lip quivered. “I go to the front lines in two days.”
Time stopped, the room so still that you could have heard aflea jump. Then Leif was grabbing my arms, turning me to face him, a look of pure horror on his face.
“Milo, no.” His eyes were glassy. Was he about to cry?
“It’s okay,” I replied, brushing off his grip. “I was living on borrowed time anyway.”
He shook his head, his hand rising to wipe at his face. “No, Milo, you don’t understand.” He paused, looking around the room to ensure we were alone. “I’m . . . I’m just going to come out and tell you.”
“Tell me what?” I frowned, confused why he was reacting so strongly to me leaving. We barely knew each other. Yes, I think we could have been friends in a perfect life, but there was no guarantee that would have worked out anyway.
“Milo . . . I think you’re my weighted.”
The words were sharp in the silent room, and my breath caught in my chest as my mind flew through my mental records of our previous conversation. We couldn’t be weighted . . . could we? After all, he thought I was someone else?—
My hands had a mind of their own, coming up to pinch the bridge of my nose as shame spread through my limbs. I wasn’t his weighted. No, Leif would need to have the full truth about who I was for that to be possible.
“Say something.” He breathed at last, his gaze searching my face. “Please.”
I had the sudden urge to bite my nails, a habit I had long left behind in my younger years, but facing this type of information when he didn’t have the full story . . . “Leif, I’m sorry, but it’s . . . it’s not possible.”
He frowned at that. “Yes it is. I told you that it’s one of those things that Seekers just know . . .”
It took a moment for the revelation to sink in, then the air was swiped from my lungs once more. I felt dizzy.
“Sit down,” Leif urged, pulling me down on the bed next to him just as my vision began to darken at the edges.
“You’re . . . You’re . . .” The words wouldn’t come.
“Yes,” he whispered, his eyes darting around the room again to ensure we were alone. “You can’t tell anyone. If Adis knew . . .”
I nodded, trying to swallow, but my throat hadn’t recovered from the first part of our conversation yet. “And you think . . .”
His finger prodded under my chin, tilting my face to his. “I don’t think, I know.”
Then, before I could properly prepare myself, his lips were on mine, his arms coming to wrap around my back as he pulled my body flush with his.
Perhaps if it hadn’t been my first kiss, I would have enjoyed it more, but something about the fact that he thought he was in love with a lie made bile rise in my throat, filling me with guilt, and I pushed him away, gasping for air.
He reached for me, even as I leaned away, and I pressed my hand to his chest. “Wait . . . Leif . . . stop,” I gasped.
He immediately stopped reaching for me and scooted away. “Milo, I know this is scary.” He pleaded with me. “But I promise you probably feel it too, you just don’t know what to look for?—”
“And you do?” My voice raised an octave, and I slapped a hand over my mouth, glancing around to ensure we were still alone before dropping it again. “Leif, it’s not that I don’t trust you—okay, well Idon’ttrust you, but that’s not why this scares me. Leif, you don’t know me.”
“What are you talking about, Milo? We talked in the pantry and by the lake and?—”
I put my finger to his lips, my eyes widening as a shock went through them, but that was beside the point I was trying to make. “You can’t know I’m your weighted after just two conversations.”
“Three,” he corrected as he pushed my hand away from his face. He raised his eyebrows, an unreadable look on his face, “I don’t think you’re understanding.”
Finally recovered from the shock of hearing that he thought I was his weighted, and then his kiss, I returned my attention to my bag before realizing it was pointless, I was going to be leavingin two days anyway. I reached beneath the bed, pulling out my assigned trunk, and shoved the whole bag in before pushing it back to its place.
When I righted myself once more, Leif was still there, his gaze fixed on me.
