I shook my head, still in disbelief that this conversation was with the woman I had once trusted for everything. “Needed here why? To train servants with petty magic? To be forced to give a viscount an advantage in a war?” My rate of breathing increased. “Adis said himself that there were no books of dangerous magic anymore . . . Either way, I’m a prisoner here, Collum, treated like I am worthless, and I can’t even be myself?—”
“You’ve been Milo for twenty-five years; I’m sure you can last another two. The war should be over by then.” She inspected her nails, as if she could will them to be less broken, less filled withdirt.
The fight left my body. There would be no arguing with Collum. I knew that by the way she pressed her lips together. I thought Collum understood how hard this charade was on me, but I was wrong.
Training petty magic for a town that had tossed us both aside was more important than my happiness; that much was clear.
“You need to stop talking with Leif. Living here isn’t so bad. Plus, we have a plan—a better one than running and hiding in the hills, I promise. Someday you will be free, okay?”
“But not anytime soon.” I breathed, still in disbelief over the conversation.
“You’ll be fine.” Collum waved her hand in the air as if my pain could just be waved away. Then she rolled over to face the wall, pulling the threadbare blanket to her chin. “I’m tired.”
She didn’t even wait for my reply before the soft sounds of snoring reached my ears.
Tonight was supposed to be my night with the cot, but it was obviously too late for that, so I arranged the blanket on the floor, trying to get as comfortable as possible on the cold stones. It was no use, my back ached, my hips ached, and I felt like I had been alive for far longer than my twenty-five years.
That was the last conscious thought I had before my body proved I was too tired to care about where I slept. Collum’s snores became a symphony for my dreams.
I awoke to a distinct cramping in my gut.
My period was back again.
Rising from the blanket as quietly as possible, I gathered my things for my period, only to see a tell-tale red splotch when I pulled my underthings down to add the cloth.
I hadn’t woken in time.
While I did have a spare pair of undergarments, they were currently dirty as I had planned to send them with my uniformfor wash the next day. Not seeing any other solution, I slid my undergarment down my legs, tying a combination of the cloths I had on hand around my waist and between my legs. Hopefully it was enough to hold while I scrubbed my two pairs of underwear.
Collum, surprisingly, didn’t stir as I pried the door open, looking both ways down the hall before stepping over the guard there. He was still asleep, though I had no idea how long that would last. Biting my lip, I held my breath as I edged around his sleeping form before practically running down the hallway. Pink light filtered in through the courtyard, telling me time was running out and daylight would be here soon.
I bundled my cloths and undergarments under my arm. I would lie and say my nose had bled if I was caught.
Passing the kitchen, I could hear Astrid already moving around. Another bad sign.
Still not seeing an alternative, I made quick work in the washing area, filling a bucket and submerging my clothing beneath the surface, soaking them before attempting to use my fingernails to remove the stain from the cloth. Lifting the stained pair from the water, I groaned as I noticed it was still there. This was imposs?—
“Do you need help?”
The deep voice immediately had me pushing my cloths beneath the water as I spun around to find none other than Otho, Adis’s General, standing in the doorway to the laundry room. It appeared as if he’d been up all night as whisps of black hair fell in front of the dark circles beneath his eyes.
I don’t know why, but I glanced down, grimacing at the fact that I had left my uniform coat in my room.
I hadn’t expected to see anyone.
Not that it mattered, seeing as Otho already knew my secret. Regardless, I sent up a silent prayer.
“I didn’t mean to scare you.” His arms hung at his sides, his fists clenched. Suddenly, I realized I had never spoken to Friarabout the incident in her chambers before. She had said Otho wouldn’t say anything but?—
“I can help with . . . that.” He motioned one of his long fingers toward the bucket.
“It’s . . . i-it’s okay,” I stuttered. “I just got . . . I got a bloody nose . . . and . . .” The lie sounded terrible, but I couldn’t very well stop now. I hadn’t even bothered to prep the truth.
“Sure,” he replied, crossing the room in three large strides.
I didn’t realize I had stepped away from him until, suddenly, he was by the bucket where my underthings were soaking, and my back was pressed up against the wall. My muscles quivered with both adrenaline and fear. A stark contrast to the waves of calm I felt rolling off of him.
He raised an eyebrow, likely wondering why I had pressed myself up against the wall, but pointed to a white chunk of something in his hand. “This will help with blood stains.” He dropped it in the water, which immediately bubbled. I took a step closer, cautiously peering over the rim.
