Of Chuglets and Deals
In the play yard, Malachi glanced around with a dubious eye at the other dogs running through the area, trying to convince the humans that they were a perfect fit for their families. He huffed out a disgusted breath, determined that he was not doing any of that. It was downright degrading. He stood there studying the exits, about to make a break for freedom, bacon or not, when something cold and wet was forcefully shoved against his ass.
What the fuck!He shouted with indignation in a loud bark. It would have been righteous indignation, but demons can never be righteous, so he had to settle for being suitably pissed. He whirled and found a small brown hot-mess-express of a dog sticking its nose in his behind.Yo, not that I don’t enjoy a little foreplay, but do you mind?
The other dog stared vapidly at him, tongue out, panting and grinning. It was a short, stubby, brindle-colored breed that seemed to be a strange cross between a chihuahua and a pug. He studied it intently, realizing then that the dog couldn’t speak to him because it was just an animal. Sighing, he laughed at the floppy ears and underbite, telling it,You look like a rightlittle psycho.He smirked at the other dog, actually liking the idea of an insane companion to run amok with. His mind drifted to a scene in a movie he’d seen once about witches. A blonde witch with the smokin’ rack was jumping around singing, ‘Amok, amok, amok’. He loved that visual and was daydreaming of it when he heard Jaxon’s voice.
“Decided to check out the demon, huh?” The man grinned wryly at Malachi as he moved next to Officer Angel of the Not-So-Black-Soul.
Malachi was so startled, he plopped down on his butt as his hind legs involuntarily gave out. The human knew he was a demon? Whoops, this might not go over well with the angel cop. He glanced back at her, and she frowned at Jaxon. Here it came, let the mighty smiting begin. He hung his head as he braced for impact, a whine escaping his throat.
“Jaxon, you hurt his feelings!” she scolded her friend, flicking him between his now-wide eyes. “He’s not a demon; he’s a sweet boy who just needs the proper handling!” She glared at the man as he cursed under his breath, rubbing his forehead. She squatted down next to Malachi. “Don’t you listen to him. He’s just mad because you peed on him. You’re a good boy, aren’t you?” She reached out and placed her hand on his head, scratching it, rubbing between his ears.
Malachi realized with relief that the man was just calling him names; they didn’t know that he was, in fact, an actual demon. The angel cop was petting him now, and it felt glorious. He closed his eyes and whimpered in ecstasy before looking around to see if anyone noticed. The goofy brown dog that had invaded his personal space still stood next to him, panting and staring into the distance, eyes empty and unfocused as if listening to voices on the wind. He eyed the strange specimen briefly before turning back to the woman as she began speaking again.
“Hey, Noble, my name is Kelly. Kelly Charles, but everyone calls me Chuck. I need a partner; someone I can count on to have my back and helpme do my job. What do you think, buddy, wanna help me catch some bad guys?”
Her warm, kind eyes moved something inside of him, and he wanted nothing more than to keep staring into them. He nodded quickly.Sure!What she heard, of course, was a short bark, but she’d seen him nod again, and the smooth space between her eyebrows pinched slightly.Shit, I need to remember to act more like a dog.He jumped forward, putting his paws on her shoulders, and licked her cheek.
Laughing, Chuck pushed him down. “Okay, Noble, can you fetch?” she inquired as she pulled a tennis ball from a nearby basket and held it out to him as if that would entice him. She tossed it and watched to see what he would do.
He flopped down and stared at her like she was stupid, shaking his head in disbelief. She really expected him to get excited about a piece of rubber covered in felt that some other dog had probably drooled on? That bitch was crazy—disappointing, really. He sighed and yawned, bored now. Glancing back at her, he realized he’d been acting distinctly non-doggie again.
“Would you do it for another snack?” she asked lightly, trying not to laugh as she held up one of the delicious bacon things she’d offered earlier.
His ears perked up all on their own. Thinking about it, he shrugged then woofed low. He’d always loved the gluttony level of Hell, where it was all-you-could-eat, but you were never full, so you ate until you burst. He didn’t get full anyway, and bacon had always been a favorite.
Chuck’s eyes narrowed, and she slipped him the snack. “Okay, Noble, you got it, now bring me the ball?” she requested quietly.
Malachi sighed heavily as he stood and trotted over to where the ball lay in the corner of the yard. He groaned at the thought of putting it in his mouth, but leaned down because he’d agreed and Chuck had comethrough with the bacon. A deal was a deal. The little brown dog that had been standing near him, staring into space earlier, had followed him and now barked at the ball like it was a ferocious beast from the lower levels of Satan’s realm. He stared at the dog, thinking it might just be an idiot after all. Shaking his head again, he picked up the ball gingerly between his teeth, trying to keep his tongue free of the dirty material.Gross, I hope no one sees how far I’ve fallen. Ugh.
He hurried back to Chuck and dropped it into her hand. He tried to spit out the taste but couldn’t figure out how to make his muzzle work like that. Pawing at her knee, he woofed, demanding another snack for having performed well.
“Oh, you want another snack, do you? Think you’ve earned it?” She chuckled and watched him closely. The glow of angelic grace around her brightened slightly with her quiet laughter.
He nodded vigorously, the smell of the bacon seasoning making his lips quiver and a small string of drool drip from his jaws, angel glow be damned. His tongue flopped out, and he panted heavily.
She leaned in. “Okay, Noble,” she said as she squinted consideringly. “You did earn this. But I’m going to make you another deal. I’ll adopt you and take you in as my partner. You can have all the bacon snacks you want. But you’re going to have to work hard and tell me how you can understand me so clearly. Because I don’t know what you are, but you are certainly more than just a dog someone found behind a bookstore.” She smirked at him. “Deal?”
He squinted back, realizing she’d caught on to him not being a full dog, but still didn’t know he was a demon. This might be beneficial to him because he was beginning to suspect she didn’t know she was part angel. He slowly put his paw in her offered hand.
“Are you talking to the dog now, Chuck?” Jaxon asked incredulously. He shook his head. “The guys are gonna love this. Chuck, the K-9 whisperer.” He laughed, pulling out his phone to take a picture. He crouched in front of Malachi. “Say cheese, you dumb dog.” He chuckled.
Malachi bared his teeth and growled. He would show that puny human who was dumb. He took a menacing step towards Jaxon, who backed up nervously, then shrieked, high-pitched and unmanly as something brushed his legs. It was the pug-chihuahua mix that had been hanging around. Malachi chuckled. The other dog—he really needed a name for it—was coming in handy after all. He studied it closely.Pug-huahua? Chihug? Chug?He snorted,Chuglet. It was now the Chuglet. He turned back to Chuck and gently took her hand in his mouth. She’d been watching the exchange with him and Jaxon, wry amusement in her expression. He carefully pulled her to the Chuglet, put a paw on its back, and barked.
“Is that a warning that you’re a package deal with her?” she asked him quietly.
Her? Okay, so apparently the Chuglet was a girl. He responded with a soft woof. Putting his paw on her back again, then putting it on Chuck. He would go with her and work for her, unlimited bacon a requirement of course, but the Chuglet had to go too.
Smirking, she nodded back. “Okay, Noble. You, me, and”—she checked the tag on the collar—“Reena makes three. Hang out here like a good… boy, I guess? I’ll go do the paperwork.” She made her way to the volunteer to let her know she wanted to adopt them.
Boy?He growled furiously.I’ll have you know I’m not a boy. I’m a full-grown man—a whole damned demon. Ugh, you’ll see, I’ll figure out how to get my body back, and you won’t be calling me ‘boy’ anymore.He grunted and absently scratched his ear before turning towards a panting sound. The vapid expression of the Chuglet was fixed on him, and she seemed to besmiling.So… Reena? Well, you’re going to have to help me spread chaos and fuckery. Are you down for that?
Reena the Chuglet barked happily in response, which caught him off guard. It seemed she was able to understand him after all. She lifted a paw and touched his leg, panting in sheer joy. Her little curly tail wiggled so hard her whole ass shook like the belly dancer he’d seduced about a century ago. He liked this spunky little psycho. Grinning, he turned to see Jaxon studying him curiously.
“So, Noble, umm, good doggie?” Officer Dumbass offered cautiously, giving a half-hearted wave.
Malachi rolled his eyes.Dude, don’t be a little bitch, or I’ll piss on you again.
