“Someone tellme this is going to get better,” Lauren says somberly.
“I don’t know that any of us can,” Garret replies.
“Hey, at least we all have each other. Zah has no one. We’re lucky to have each other to help support Mom,” Erica says.
My heart tightens. She’s right. I have five siblings I can lean on and who can lean on me.
However, I’ve been feeling too lost to be there for Zah or anyone else. I don’t know what to do for anyone. The pain is searing so deep I can’t think at times.
“I hate this. I hate that I can’t fix this for her. I hate that I can’t be what she needs.
“I hate that she was robbed of her father and our dad. I want to make this go away for her, but I don’t know how to fix it for me. I feel so fucking guilty for not being what she needs right now.
“It’s making me sick, but I’m so fucking broken. I can’t fucking breathe,” I sob.
My brother, Garret, pulls me into a hug and my sisters and little brother join in as I cry. Garret tightens his hold on me. It’s like he’s the only thing holding me together.
“It’s going to be all right. Zahirah is strong. She knows you’re hurting as much as she is. Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he says into my ear.
“I’m supposed to be strong for her. She has so much shit on her shoulders right now.”
“And so do you, Bent. We’ll all try harder to be there for her, but you can’t put all this on yourself,” Erica says.
“Dad would say the best way to help someone else is to get right with yourself,” Tara says.
“I know that’s right,” Lauren says. “You have a dream to catch, big bro. We’ll look after your girl. We’re going to stick together.”
“I miss him so fucking much already.” I blow out a breath.
“You know he’s probably watching us right now, fussing that we’re avoiding the house while Mom probably needs us,” Garret scoffs.
“Tell me about it. I’m going to head back before he haunts me in my sleep,” Eddy says.
We all give a light chuckle and turn back for home. My heart is still heavy and feels like something is missing, but I’m glad to have my siblings. Erica takes my hand and gives it a squeeze.
The next thing I know we’re all holding hands, swinging our arms like we used to when walking with our dad. Lauren begins to sing one of the songs we would sing with him, and the next thing I know, we’re all singing with her as we make our way home.
CHAPTER 25
Different People
Zahirah
“Wait,wait. Stop. Just stop. Bentley, what are we even arguing about?” I yell as my head spins.
After spending a few days with our families, Bentley, Erica, and I all returned to school. I learned my mother had paid this semester’s tuition before I even touched back down on campus. To save money, Bentley said I should move in with him instead of living in the dorms.
It seemed like a great idea back then. Now I wish I never had. All we do is fight.
It’s never over anything that makes sense. Bentley has been picking fights and it’s driving me crazy. It’s like we’re not even the same people anymore.
It’s only been a little over a month since our fathers’ funerals but there is so much going on that hasn’t been said or addressed. I’m tired. We’re both still grieving and this is just too much.
“What do you mean, what are we arguing about? Have you been listening to me?”
“Yes, I have and nothing makes sense. You never say what you really mean.”
“Zahirah—”
