“They sure are, buddy,” he agrees, sounding like a proud parent.
I roll my eyes. “No, I just mean, if you don’t shut up when you’re talking about fucking your cum into my hole with your finger, I’ll have them open up a portal and drag you straight to Hanell like in that movie we watched with the lady and the button and the demons coming in at the last second and dragging the woman to Hell.”
“Drag Me to Hell?”
I shake my head. “Mariah Carey’sGlitter.” I gently pinch his arm. “Don’t ever threaten to fuck your cum into me again. Do you hear me?” I say the words loud enough for Johnny to hear, because I know it’ll piss him off.
“He did what?” Johnny shouts, and when I finally pry my eyes away from Bubba, I realize Johnny is storming toward us like a tsunami of testosterone, glowering. “Put him down. We have to rent a fuckin’ boat.”
The lake we’re at appears to be a tourist destination minus the tourists. It’s the kind of place you’d see in a decades’ old brochure, but if it had been abandoned literally five seconds after the picture was taken. Parking is on a slight hill that overlooks the lake. There’s a boat rental shop in the distance, just a little ways down the hill. It’s overgrown with weeds and discarded trash. Inside the small booth, there’s what I’m assuming is a man’s corpse lying face down on the counter.
“Is that guy dead?”
“Fuck if I know. I found the place on Google.”
“He’s dead!” I shriek. “Someone killed him deader than a doornail, and now we’re going to wind up taking the fall, all because of you and your stupid fishing trip. I’m not going down for this! Not again. Not after last time,” I insist. Johnny stares at me like I’m stupid, which, yeah, fair, but still. Have I ever been framed for murder? No, but who cares? We live for a bit of drama.
“God dammit, I knew this would happen. All I wanted was one fuckin’ day of fun in the sun without your ass tagging along.”
“Johnny,” Bubba warns, but Johnny just shakes his head.
“No. I’ve had it. I didn’t sign up for any of this. I didn’t agree to share a bed with him. He kicks in his sleep, and it really hurts. It ain’t right.”
“I do no such thing.”
“You do,” Bubba agrees.
“Benedict Arnold!” I shout, not really sure who the hell Benedict Arnold is, but it sounds right. “You’re supposed to have my back.”
He squeezes his ass. “I do have your back. I’ll always have it, but I can’t defend you when you’re flat-out lying, baby. You kick like a drunken zebra. I’ve witnessed it with my own two legs.”
“You’re about to witness a whole lot more than that if you don’t punish Johnny. Make him stand in the corner or something.”
“We’re outside,” Johnny says. “There ain’t a damn corner to stand in. And I’m a grown-ass man, I ain't about to be reprimanded like a five-year-old.”
I give Johnny an unenthused round of applause. “Reprimanded. That’s a big word. Well done.”
“Stop making it sound like I’m stupid. I ain’t stupid.”
“Cry about it,” I say, then I look at Bubba. “I need you to construct a small dwelling. Don’t worry about its size, because we won’t need it long. Anything with a corner will suffice.”
His hand grips my ass, and my traitorous cock twitches in response. “You want me to make us a little house out here, Ezzy? You want us to have somewhere private where we can—”
“Finish that sentence and I’m putting battery acid in the bottle of lube he hides under the bed.”
“What the fuck did I do?” Johnny shouts. “I’m just standing here, bro.”
I nod. “And you’ll keep standing there once Bubba builds a small room around you.” Lifting my hand, I aim a judgmental finger. “Bubba’s going to make you stand in the corner all day long.”
“Fuck this,” Johnny scoffs, flinging his hands in the air like a maniac, walking away like my very presence is an affront to all he holds dear.
And there goes that ass. Fuck.
When I look back at Bubba, he’s got a disappointed expression on his face, but I don’t give a damn. “Bonus points if the structure isdirectly in the sun. I want his skin to look like a lobster when we leave today,” Johnny just continues walking, lifting a hand and giving me the finger. “Inbred prick.” There’s a sharp pain in my ass, and when I look down, my mouth hangs open, because Bubba’s hand is still on my ass. “You spankedme?”
“I did, and I’ll do it again if I need to, baby. I don’t know what’s gotten into you. You’re even more ornery than usual.”
“I’m not your fucking baby.”
