Bubba strokes my cheek with his thumb. “I really am proud of you, you know.”
“Do I have to tell everyone now?”
Ezra rubs my back. “You don’t have to tell anyone until you’re ready. You don’t have to tell anyone anything at all, if you don’t want to.”
“They’ll know when they see us together. If this thing keeps heading where it seems to be heading, it’ll be obvious.”
“Then let them look. Let them keep looking,” Ezra says. “If it’s about the label itself, dating a man doesn’t automatically make you gay. They could think you’re bi. Or pan. Or demi. There are a plethora of sexualities under our sunny sky. Fucking a man in the ass doesn’t make you gay by default.”
I roll my eyes. “I know that.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“I’m just embarrassed it took so long for me to realize it. Everyone’s going to think I’m even stupider than I already am. When did you know you were gay, Ez?”
“You’re not stupid. Stop saying that.” His eyes have a fiery determination in them, so I dip my head up and down, letting him know I’ll try. “As for me, I was eleven, but I’ve always known I was different. I finally figured it out when I fell madly in love with Parker McMillan.”
“Who the fuck is Parker McMillan?” Bubba growls.
Ezra sighs dramatically. “The love of my life. Fortunately for you, he’s been plagued with the burden of an ex-gay lifestyle. After Dadkicked me out when he saw us kissing, he told his parents, and they sent him to conversion therapy. I hope he’s able to live his truth one day. Since he’s no longer an option—” He stops himself and smirks at Bubba. “I might have to settle for you two.” And even though it’s said as a joke, he shares a gentle smile with me.
“Do you still talk to him?” Bubba asks, hands clenched into fists, his voice dripping with disdain as he mutters, “That motherfucker Parker McFuckin’Millan, I mean.”
Ezra shakes his head and moves away, hopping on our bed and taking a seat in the middle. He never sleeps in the middle, so I’m guessing he’s just getting comfy before bedtime. He’s shaking his head as he assures Bubba, “I haven’t seen him in half a decade. He could be dead in a ditch, for all I know.”
“I hate what the poor boy’s gone through, but he can’t have you, even if he decides to be gay again.” Bubba’s lip curls up, baring his teeth. “I’ll rip him limb from limb.”
“Down boy,” Ezra says, patting the mattress. “Come cuddle.”
“You’re in my spot,” Bubba says as he lifts a leg and places his left knee on the bed. From this angle, his crack is spread just enough for me to see his hole. Fuck. I want to get my tongue back on it. Maybe even inside it. Disappointingly, he rises onto the bed, hobbling toward Ezra on his knees. His hole is no longer on display, but his big bubble butt is, and I can’t bring myself to look away.
Ezra motions for me to join, patting the other side of the mattress. “I want to be middle-man tonight.” He nibbles his bottom lip like he’s stalling, trying to build up courage for something. “I know you like to sleep against Bubba, but, Johnny, I want—” Closing his eyes, he sighs, and when he opens them, they’re narrow like he’s feigning outrage. Ah, hell. Hurricane Ezra is coming in hot.
“What did I do now?”
“If you think I’m letting you sleep next to Bubba, only to steal his heart away from me in the middle of the night, you have another thing coming. You will keep your hands on me all night long. If your skin so much as leaves my body for a single second, I will drag you into the bathroom and drown you in the tub.”
I share a confused look with Bubba. “The fuck is he talking about?”
“I think this is Ezzy’s way of asking to cuddle with you tonight.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Ezra says, folding his arms against his chest. “I don’t want him near me. I don’t want him touching on me. I don’t care if he lives or dies.”
“Sure, Ezzy,” Bubba says. “Sure.”
“Ez?”
“What?”
“Is that what this is about? Do you want to cuddle with me?” There’s no accusation in my tone. I’m not chastising him or trying to make him feel ashamed. I just want the truth. I need to know he wants this too, because cuddling next to him in bed all night is sounding really good right about now. “Because I think I want to cuddle with you too.”
“You do?”
“I do,” I answer, walking to the wall and flipping the lights off. There’s still a silver stream of moonlight filtering in through the window, so I can see where I’m walking as I slowly make my way around the bed. I tower over him as he looks up at me with those big, brown eyes. “Can I cuddle with you?”
Instead of answering, he holds out his hand, offering it to me. I take it, because why wouldn’t I? He’s gently tugging, pulling me onto the mattress until I’m right beside him. Bubba approaches from the other side of the bed, smiling at me like this is his biggest dream, and it’s finally coming true.
He crouches down and kisses my forehead. “Are you going to be okay without me?” His voice is a whisper, probably to hide the question from Ezra to save me the embarrassment, but to my surprise, being treated like a big old baby ain’t nearly as humiliating as it ought to be, Because Ezra’s hand is on my chest, and he looks torn.
