I kneel in front of starry Ezra, now standing on the porch. He probably can’t see me, but I know I’m here, and I think that’s enough.
“You’re going to get through this,” I whisper to him, but he doesn’t bat an eye. “It’s going to suck, and you’re going to get hurt along the way, but you’re stronger than you think. You’ll have Aussie. He’s not going anywhere, I promise.” The younger me whimpers. “He’ll remind you as often as you need to hear it, all you have to do is ask.”
“He ain’t staying in this house,” my father shouts from behind the door. “I ain’t having a queer under this roof.”
“You’re going to fall in love,” I tell the younger me. “You’ll meet an obnoxious, unbearable beat poet who treats you like the most precious boy in all the world. You’ll think his himbo best friend is the biggest jerk you’ve ever met, but it’s just a front. He’s a good man, but he’s just as insecure as you are. You’re going to love him just as much as Bubba. And the best part is, they’re going to love you back. They love you so hard it’ll leave you breathless. You’re going to make it through this.”
I want my mom back.
I want to kill my father.
I want Bubba and Johnny here with me.
I want so, so many things, but I can’t have this. I can’t have the moment back to do it differently, so I give Baby Ezra one final sympathetic look before walking away. He’s going to be okay. I know he is, because I am.
I continue down the starry highway until I come upon the queerest of settings. Designed like something you’d expect from the Mad Hatter, an elaborate tea party has been arranged for me. There are ten place settings, each a various shade of pastel pink. Kettles of tea levitate off the table and magically pour into singing cups. The cups then dance like ballerinas, splashing scalding tea all over the goddamn place.
But then there’s Johnny, sitting in a three-piece suit, rocking a ridiculous top hat, and a set of fuck-me eyes that seem to be burning into my very soul. He’s not like Mom and Dad. He’s not made up of stardust and constellations. It’s just Johnny. My Johnny.
“Ez?”
I walk around the table toward him. Bubba is at his side, wearing a whole tux, looking dapper as ever, with a cock just begging to be sucked, judging by his bulge.
“Hey, Ezzy,” Bubba says, and he doesn’t sound surprised by my presence. “What took you so long?”
I hold my hands behind my back nervously, staring at my shoe as I twist my ankle back and forth like I’m trying to drill into the starry highway with my heel. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know if I’d be strong enough to make the astral walk.” I sniffle. I should be wrapping my arms around them, and here I am, boo-hooing like the world is ending tomorrow. My world ended three weeks ago when I lost them. My throat clicks. “Daddy.”
“Aww, Ezzy. Baby, Daddy’s here. Daddy’s here, and he loves you so fuckin’ much.”
“Ez.” Johnny's voice is like a cooling balm on a nasty burn. When I look up, his eyes are made of pink stars, each one brighter than the last. “Baby, where are you? How do we find you?” His voice breaks, and little blue stars trickle down his cheeks. “I have to find you. I have to tell you. You gotta know, Ez.”
“Johnny.” I wait for him to look up at me. “I know. I know, and it’s okay. I’m with your mom. She kidnapped me in hopes of luring you home.” Closing my eyes, I sigh. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’m pretty sure our Hillbilly Highrise is going to be making another cross-country trip soon.”
“What do you mean?” Johnny asks.
“As much as I’d love to spill the beans, I’m afraid I came here for two reasons and two reasons only. That isn’t one of them.”
Johnny arches an eyebrow. “Okay.”
“The main reason is to tell you both how much I miss you, and to ask you to please hurry up and come find me. The second matter isyour shitbag of a brother. I know you love him, but I hate Pete more than I hate anyone. He’s the fucking worst.”
“Shit. What did he do this time?”
“Well, for starters, he’s an absolutely useless farmer. He can claim he’s God’s gift to agriculture all he wants, all he ever does is ride around on that goddamn tractor, making all kinds of noise, interrupting my peace and quiet. It’s not right, Johnny. It’s not right, and I want you to beat him up for me.”
Johnny’s starry eyes blink at me. “Well, if you’ve gotten that out of your system—”
“Oh, screw you, dude,” I say, flipping him off, making him snicker. “I’m practically dying of sleep deprivation, and there my boyfriend is, not giving a flying fuck.”
“What were you saying about us moving the house?”
“Oh. Yeah. That. Well, see, the thing is, I really like Ms. Ladonna. I’m pretty sure we’re platonic fated mates. Truth be told, I could do without Satan’s Minion, but Ladonna keeps telling me Maybelline is family, and family doesn’t exile family simply for not enjoying their company. I can’t do this much longer. I like it here, but I can’t keep going without you. You were supposed to come and find me. Why haven’t you come to find me?”
“Oh, Ezzy,” Bubba says, all calm and sweet like he knows I need him to be. “Listen, baby. We’ll be there soon. We’re on the road now. We pulled over for a quick nap before the final stretch. I don’t even know how the fuck we got here.”
“I called you here,” I tell them. “My heart needed you, so I asked it to find you.” Drying my eyes, I look over at Bubba. “Where have you been? It’s been so long. I’ve been so lonely, Bubs.”
“I know, baby. And when we get to you, I’ll explain it all. All the catfishing and stalking and secrets lying in plain sight.”
