Dawn was breaking through the mountains, and it was a breathtaking spectacle. The sky was ablaze with vibrant hues of pink, purple and orange as the sun climbed over the silver peaks of the majestic mountains and I understood why this was Nash’s favorite time of the day. His favorite place to watch it, on Mom’s old rocker on the porch with a cup of coffee in his hand.
Yet this morning, it didn’t have that same appeal. Probably because I’d barely slept all night and felt like shit. I’d thought about calling Cassidy, but there were still some vestiges of anger in my chest. Who that anger was aimed at, I wasn’t sure.
That was the thing about anger, it was often an irrational emotion, one borne because you didn’t know how else to feel. You were happy but didn’t think you should be so you got angry. You were grieving and you got angry because of your loss. You were in love, but the other person didn’t feel the same, you gotangry. You didn’t listen to your girlfriend, fucked up and got angry.
Dropping my feet from the balustrade of the porch to the floor, I let out a huge sigh. Expelling all the negativity I’d stored up over the last fifty or so hours. When I’d realized I was being mad at the wrong person, I’d used work as an excuse not to call Cassidy. Songbird’s foal was running a temperature, so I’d been with her until it had broken just after nine. I’d told myself it was too late at night to have a conversation of the kind we needed, so had fallen into bed and attempted to sleep. Hours of tossing and turning and I’d given up and come outside to contemplate the great pile of shit I’d dropped myself into.
Top and bottom of it was, I needed to apologize and listen to what she had to say. I’d go over to her apartment after she finished work, talk to her, ask her to forgive me and then ask her what she wanted for her future.
Firstly, I had a job to do and some planning on how I was going to get her to absolve me of being a dick.
“Ruthie,” I cried, waving across the yard. “Good to see you.” I glanced down at my phone; it was only just four. The day had screamed by since I’d started working at five that morning. “What are you doing here?”
“I took a day off to catch up on chores,” she told me with a small grimace. “Said I had strep.”
“Naughty, naughty,” I said with a laugh as I reached her at the door of my office.
“I won’t ever do that when I’m working for you.” She bit down on her lip and closed her eyes. “Oh, God, have I messed up?”
“Ruthie, don’t sweat it.” Amused, I opened the door and stood aside to let her in. “I don’t blame you. That manager of yours hasn’t been wholly fair with you. What can I do for you anyway?”
Following her in, I went to my desk while she took a place in front of it her hands clasped in front of her.
“Lucas is having a play date with some friends, so I thought it might be a good opportunity for me to get started on some work before next week.” She smiled hopefully. “I don’t want any pay.”
“No, you do the work you get the reward, Ruthie.”
“You giving Lucas riding lessons is payment enough.”
I waved her away. “It’s my pleasure. Honestly.” And it was, especially when a certain brunette joined. The thought of Cassidy maybe never coming back to the ranch made my chest tight and I swallowed thickly. “So, what do you plan on doing?”
“Entering some of those invoices on the system?”
“Sounds good to me.” It was one of the tasks I’d given myself to do over the week, so I was more than happy. Plus, I was desperate to go and see Cassidy and put things right...if she’d let me. “You okay to lock up when you’ve finished?”
She held up the keys I’d given to her a few days before. “Absolutely. Go and do whatever you need to do. I’ll be here for a couple of hours.”
“Coffee should still be warm, if you want some.”
She held up a water bottle. “I’m fine. You go.” Ruthie turned away from me and grabbed a bunch of papers and started sifting through them.
With the knowledge that my office would soon be a well-organized hub of administration, I left to go and sort my life out. First I need to go and get something from the box I kept at the bottom of my closet.
The drive to town gave me too much time to think. Too much time to rehearse words that sounded hollow and inadequate. That was the problem with apologies; they never seemed to capture the depth of what you were really trying to say. Especially for a man like me who wasn’t great at words. Which was why I hoped the little box on my passenger seat would be able to speak for me if I was lacking.
As I pulled off Latymer, I spotted her car parked outside the school. Good, she was still there. Cassidy often worked late, especially when she had math competitions to organize. Her dedication to those kids went beyond the classroom and it was one of the things I’d grown to admire about her, once I’d got my head out of my ass and realized the truth of who she really was.
I parked beside her car and sat for a moment, gathering my courage. The last time I’d been this nervous around a woman...hell, I’d never been this nervous. The thought of losing her over my own stubbornness made my stomach twist into knots.
Grabbing the small box, I headed into the school. The hallways were quiet, most of the classrooms empty, bar the odd teacher who stayed behind as I made my way toward Cassidy’s room. Through the small window in her door, I could see her at her desk, head bent over papers, a red pen in hand. The sight of her made me pull up short, just to watch her, drink her in. Her hair was falling from its ponytail, and she kept pushing stray strands behind her ear as she worked.
I knocked softly, startling her. When she looked up and saw me, her expression shifted from surprise to wariness. Without waiting for any further response, I opened the door.
“Gunner.” She set down her pen, straightening in her chair. “What are you doing here?”
I stepped inside, closing the door behind me. “I needed to see you.”
“I’m working.” Her voice was measured, careful. She was protecting herself from me and that knowledge cut deeper than any anger I’d had.
