Lily’s smile was soft and gentle. “Does that really sound like Gunner to you, honey? You really think he wouldn’t want you to be in charge of your own life, your own destiny?”
Now she came to mention it.
“No,” I said with a pout. “He wouldn’t.”
“So why do you really think he was upset? Hmm.” She was giving me her Teacher look, the one she gave the kids when she was trying to coax an answer from them.
“I’m so glad you don’t teach me. I hate that look, it’s worse than your, ‘I’m not mad I’m just disappointed’ look.”
She gave a quiet chuckle. “Have you thought about it?”
“I don’t know. That he doesn’t think the camp will work without me?”
Lily rolled her eyes. “Do I have to point it out to you?”
“Seems so.” I scoffed and picked up my phone, checking again whether I had any messages.
“He’s scared that if you’re not committed to the camp then you’re not committed to him either, you idiot.”
My heart stopped for a beat before picking back up at double speed. “Really? You think, because I’m not so sure.” Then I remembered the conversation we’d had.
“What if I give up my job at the school and the camp doesn’t work? W-what if we don’t work?”
“And there it is,” he snapped. “Well, thanks for the belief in the camp and in me, Cassidy.”
“He doesn’t think I believe in him,” I whispered. “In us.”
Lily reached across the desk and took my hand in hers. As her thumb stroked the back of it she met my gaze. “The Miller men are complicated, Cassidy. They have a complicated relationship with the man who was supposed to teach them how to be men. He wasn’t a good father even less so after their mom died, so everything they know they’ve taught themselves because only so much of the good came from their mom. They were so young when she passed.”
“I know, it must have been so hard on all of them, Gunner talks about her so fondly.”
“Unlike Nash,” she gave a little laugh, but it was sad. “He barely ever talks about her. Never did when we were teenagers either. He finds it too sad.” Lily exhaled slowly like she was expelling all the unhappiness she felt on behalf of her husband. “Nash broods, Gunner shoots from the hip and Wilder jokes through his worries, it’s how each of them deals, Cassidy.”
“Shooting from the hip is true. Then he thinks about it later, three years later in some cases.”
“Exactly.” Her smile was tender. “The point I’m making, Cass, is that he’s probably scared of losing someone else and totally overreacted. You don’t want to commit to the camp, so you don’t want to commit to him. But you know maybe that’s why you won’t commit to the camp either.”
I frowned. “Because I don’t want to commit to him?”
“No, because you’re scared of it. In case you lose someone or something else you love, too.”
I let out a harsh breath. “How has this suddenly become my fault? He’s the one who stalked away like a spoiled toddler.”
Lily then gave me her Mom expression. “Not what I said but think about it, why didn’t you put him straight? Explain it differently. Why didn’t you say, ‘I can’t commit to the camp because it’s not even started yet, but I love you and if there is a need for me to teach at the camp then I’ll consider it.’.”
“Why? Because I don’t love him.”
Lily snorted. “You so do. You need to wise up to that and the fact that while the Miller brothers are totally adorable, extremely hot and incredibly good with animals and children they are a little bit stupid in the ways of love and romance. Nash is getting there because I’m a great teacher, but Gunner needs a little help. We’ll leave Wilder for now, but he will need assistance eventually.”
I couldn’t help laughing because she was exactly right about them. She wasn’t right about me being in love and unable to commit, though. Was she?
Whether she was or not, I knew I had to speak to Gunner. We needed to talk and be honest with each other about what we wanted for our futures. If they didn’t match up then I’d have to deal. I had to make him see, though, that the camp and us weren’t mutually exclusive.
Chapter 38
A Thousand Years – Christina Perri
Gunner
