Fair point. "Fine. Six PM. Don't be late this time."
"I own the shop, I can't be late!" She stands, gathering her bag. "This is going to work! We're going to be the best fake couple ever!"
She bounces out, leaving a trail of glitter. I sit there for a moment, wondering what fresh hell I've agreed to. My phone buzzes.
Bunny: Thank you again! I'll make you some sugar-free protein fudge! Is that a thing? I'll make it a thing! ????
two
Bunny
He'sinmyshopand he looks like he wants to set it on fire.
John Hawkins is standing in the middle of Sweet Bunny's, hands in his pockets, glaring at my Valentine's display like the cupids personally wronged him. He's so big and dark and grumpy in my explosion of pink and red.
"You came!" I lock the door, flipping my sign to closed.
"Said I would."
"I made you something!" I run behind the counter, producing a black box. "Protein fudge! It's made with protein powder, almond butter, and stevia."
He actually takes a piece, chews thoughtfully. "Not terrible."
I’ll mark that down as a win.
"Come upstairs, we have work to do."
His eyebrows shoot up.
"To practice being a couple! Not... the other thing. Not that couples don't do the other thing. But we're not. Doing that. The thing."
Stop. Talking. Bunny.
I lead him up to my apartment, immediately regretting it. My place looks like Valentine's Day and a craft store had a baby. Pink couch, heart-shaped coffee table, string lights everywhere. There are stuffed animals on every surface.
John stands in the doorway like he's afraid to enter. "Did a unicorn explode in here?"
"Unicorns are on my bed. This is more of a general love explosion." Did I just say unicorns are on my bed to this man? "I mean, decoratively! Stuffed ones! Not real unicorns. Obviously."
He's looking at me like I'm insane. Fair.
"So!" I clap my hands together. "Couples touch casually. We should practice that. Like..." I reach for his hand. It's huge and warm and calloused. "Hand holding!"
He holds my hand like it might explode.
"Relax. Pretend you like me. You're crushing my fingers."
He loosens his grip. "I don't do this often. Touch people. In general."
That's oddly sad. I squeeze his hand gently. "When's the last time you dated someone?"
"2017. Eight years. Military deployment, then I moved here."
"Why agree to this then? You could have just ignored the app."
He shrugs. "My friends are assholes but they're my assholes. If I backed out, they'd never let me live it down. Plus, someone needs to make sure you don't get eaten alive by your sister-in-law."
"Patricia's not that bad."She's worse."Okay, let's practice dancing. She loves making everyone dance."
