That sounded like his relationship with Will. He’d relied on the whole aspect that the man needed him. It gave him a sense of importance.
Until it was gone.
Alex was honest.
“I’m not lovable, I fuck things up, and I destroy everything that I touch.”
Corbin was curious.
“What happened between you and Noah?”
He laughed sardonically.
“Nothing. Noah and I never crossed that line. As partners, that seemed more important, and I’m not stable. I can’t tell people I love them, and I could never tell him, but I did feel that for him. I’m a mess, and I can’t have relationships. So, I don’t. I always assumed he’d be there but then, he fell in love, and he got married.”
Corbin let him talk.
“He met Lawless Jackson, and by God, I hate that man. I hate how perfect for Noah he is, and how kind he is to him, and how he worships the goddamn ground he walks on. He’s more of a man than I am, and Noah deserves the best, and he got it. I was a coward, and I never told Noah how I felt, and by the time I was smart enough to realize that I loved him, it was too late. He loved someone else. He found his person, and it wasn’t me.”
Corbin didn’t stop him.
“So then, it was freefall again. Noah, my security net was gone, and I was alone. Elizabeth has been trying to find me a partner for seven years. For most of them, it was Noah, but on and off, it’s been a nightmare for her. Then, there was you.”
There was silence from Corbin. He was listening, and trying to learn how to help this man, and how to help himself.
“The day I met you… I knew that what we would have would be special. We’re similar cops. There was no way we wouldn’t mesh. I felt this click, and everything that was gone came back again.”
He was aware.
Corbin felt it, too.
Then, it scared him, but now, it gave him a fighting chance to help rebuild both of them, and he was willing to do the job. Corbin had been alone for a long time, and he didn’t want to be alone anymore.
“We definitely worked well together.”
Alex agreed.
“You were the best partnership I’ve ever had, and that’s including with Noah, but it doesn’t matter. I somehow destroyed it by just existing. By just picking a cologne that would make you run from me. I still don’t understand that.”
Corbin knew he owed him.
“You smell like him, and one of my favorite things about Will was the scent of him. I leaned over your shoulder, and I picked up his scent and it took me back. It hit hard and it made me feel a lot again. It scared me, so I ran. I didn’t run from you because you’re a mess, Alex. I ran from you because I could feel myself being pulled toward you. Because I can feel again when I’m around you, and that terrifies me.”
That hung there.
Now, Alex was curious.
“What was he like? What was it like to have your person? Did it feel good?” he asked, a tear slipping down his cheek.
“It was nice, until it wasn’t. Will was smart. He was a lawyer. It felt good until it felt like the most horrific thing I’ve ever experienced. I was raped by men for hours, Alex, and losing Will was far worse.”
Alex just listened.
“When I was hurt, I pushed him away, and he fought so hard for me. You remind me of that. Your laugh is similar, and when you smile, it’s the same dimple. That cologne was just way too much for me. It was a sucker punch that it was time for me to love again after a very long time.”
Alex didn’t want him to hurt, but he knew he wasn’t worthy of love. No one in his life had ever given him that, and it would fall apart.
It always did.
