There would be no children for him, or a chance to share that with someone. No one ever wanted him enough to make a life, only to be his friend.
And he was tired of friends.
What he wanted was his person and the courage to take what he needed for a change in life.
He needed that connection to survive. His instinct told him that he wasn’t going to make it much longer without that connection. He was going under, and fast.
Corbin continued.
“I went to work to do some paperwork. It was a Sunday, and Will was going to sleep in. We had some wine the night before, and that was his norm on a Sunday when I worked. I’d left work that day, said goodbye to the other detectives, and instead of going right home, I went for a drive. I was thinking about being a father, and if I was ready. Everything seemed to be going so fast, and I was struggling with it.”
Alex said nothing.
He just listened.
“I drove about an hour and then felt like an idiot. It was stupid to be afraid of something new with the person I loved. I talked myself down, and headed the hour back. I went right home.”
Corbin was reliving it like it was yesterday because it felt like it. Only, now, after meeting Alex, it felt like he could actually survive it.
“I went home, and when I walked in, something told me it was off. I don’t know if it was my cop instincts or what, but thedoor was unlocked. I had been the last one out, and I forgot to lock the door.”
Alex saw the pain, and it hurt his heart.
“You don’t have to do this.”
He stopped him.
“I do. You deserve to know why I’m like the way I am, Alex. You deserve to know that I have scars, too. I’m going to share them with you because I know what it’s like to feel like I’m to blame, even when it’s not true.”
He said nothing.
“So, I called for him. I yelled up for my husband, and there was no answer, but I smelled it. There was a different scent in the air, like a cologne I’ve never smelled before. The second it hit me, I knew someone had been there.”
He stood up and began pacing like a caged tiger, and Alex saw just how difficult it was for him.
Corbin continued.
“I ran up those stairs, and to the bedroom I shared with the love of my life. I ran in, and he was dead. Someone cut him open, and eviscerated him. His body was a mess, and his organs were out of his body,” he said, tears filling his eyes.
Somehow, he found a way to continue.
“He was stabbed in the heart, and he was stabbed so many times out of rage.”
Alex stood.
“You don’t look so good.”
He focused on the man and his words. Alex was right. He didn’t feel good about a lot of things.
“I see it every day when I close my eyes,” he said. “I’ve seen it for years. It was over fifteen years ago, and yet it’s as raw as it would be if it happened tomorrow.”
Alex didn’t know how to help him.
“I touched him,” he admitted. “He was still warm. My husband’s skin was still warm. He’d bled out, and he’d been abused, but he was still warm. In that moment, I knew that had I come home from work, instead of being an asshole and worrying about being a father, I would have been there. Had I locked the door, and not been careless, Will wouldn’t have been murdered.”
Alex moved closer.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
