That hung there.
Corbin stared down at him, and he hated how much this man reminded him of his past.
Because it made him realize how much was missing from his present.
“Tell me how to not be me so that we can work together. Tell me how to make it work. I can’t lose anyone else,” he admitted. “I’m empty inside, Corbin. I’m one big hole. I don’t feel anything anymore, unless I’m with someone I can trust. I trust you.”
Corbin hated this.
He knew this was bad.
There would be no winners here.
Deep down, he knew what the man was asking, and he simply couldn’t give it to him. He’d taken a vow, and he’d promised that he’d love Will until the day that he died. He promised that he’d be his only. Unless Will showed up, knocked on his goddamn door, and told him he was free, he couldn’t break that vow.
Since that wasn’t going to happen, he couldn’t hold onto the what-ifs.
There was no room for anyone else as he was haunted by the ghost of Will.
“Give me a chance,” Alex whispered. “No one ever gives me a chance.”
Corbin tried to get off of him to escape, but Alex held on to that last thread of peace like it was a lifeline—because it was. Deep down, he knew if he let him go, he was going to be lost.
“Please. I just need someone to understand that the pain inside of me is swallowing me whole. I’ll never be loved. I’ll never be happy. I’ll never get to be the real Alex. I’m always alone, Corbin. I need someone to see me. Please don’t leave me too.”
Honestly, Corbin didn’t understand.
Alex wasn’t gay.
“I don’t know what you want from me. I have nothing to give you.”
Alex stared into his eyes.
It was now or never. He had to find a way to feel again, or he was never going to survive alone in the world.
Moving his hands, he pulled Corbin’s face down, and kissed him.
Alex took a chance because he needed to feel.
Tomorrow, he knew what would happen, but in that moment, with alcohol in his system, and knowing Corbin would walk away because he wasn’t worthy, what did he have to lose?
Tomorrow, he was leaving the FBI.
He was done.
The kiss exploded, and Corbin stopped thinking. The scent, the feel…it was all there.
Why couldn’t he have one moment where he wasn’t chased by demons, but instead, was chased by peace?
The tangle of tongues, the heat in the room, and the pain they were both feeling erased all sane thought.
Corbin broke the kiss.
In the morning, he’d leave and head back toDamascus. Their partnership was over.
It had to be over.
If he did this, there was no way he was going back because he couldn’t let Alex in.
