“Hey! I’m a delight,” I counter.
Ms. Rosa and Regan just look at each other, then back to me, and they both laugh. Good to know that they are on the same page to make fun of me.
“What can I get you and your girlfriend to drink?” Ms. Rosa asks after their fit of laughter, taking a notepad and pen out of her apron.
“Oh, I’m not—” Regan starts, but I cut her off.
“I’ll have a root beer, and a Diet Coke for you, right?”
She nods and Ms. Rosa leaves to bring the order to the kitchen. I don’t know why I stopped Regan for correcting Ms. Rosa’s term of ‘girlfriend.’ Probably because I like how it sounds. To be able to officially call Regan Brady my girlfriend sends my heart fluttering around my chest like a hummingbird.
“She seems nice,” Regan says, pulling me from my thoughts.
“She is. She’s kind of the diner mom here. She was there for me when Daniel died and when my parents cut me off.” I pick up my menu, pretending to read it. I know this menu inside and out. A beat of silence passes between us as we scan the menus.
“Do you think they’ll ever come around?” Regan asks.
I haven’t really thought about it. The last time we spoke, they made it very clear that I was to quit racing or be cut off. I made my choice, and they followed through with their threats. Not just cutting me off financially, but all contact. I understand that they want me to be safe. What happened with Daniel’s HANS device was a fluke, and there are measures in place now to keep that from happening again.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “When Daniel died, all they could think about was wrapping me in this protective bubble. That’s not how the world works. That’s not howIwork. Every time you step outside your front door, there are risks. You can’t just hide away because something may happen. That's not living.”
I end my rant when Ms. Rosa comes back with our drinks and to take our food order.
“You’re right. That’s not living. And doing what you're passionate about is. I’m sure Daniel is proud of you, Dean.” She reaches across the table and squeezes my hand.
A warm feeling spreads from our touching hands and through my chest. She means what she says. It warms my whole body to know that she sees me as Daniel did. Lettingpeople in to see my more vulnerable side has always been hard, and Regan makes it easy. For the first time since Daniel’s death, I feel free to be completely me around her. Who would have thought that the person I couldn’t stand for two years, someone who literally knocked me on my ass, would make me feel like this?
After I drop Regan off and return home, the conversation about my parents replays in my head. On a whim, I pull out my phone and dial before I can talk myself out of it. She picks up on the third ring, a chipper note to her voice. A voice I now know I’ve really missed hearing.
“Hello?”
I freeze. Do I just say hello back? Is that all you say to greet a parent you haven’t spoken to for two whole years? Or did she delete my number, and she has no idea who this even is? Oh, god, this was a bad idea.
“Hello? Dean? You there?”
I inhale to regain my composure. “Yes, I’m here. Hi, Mom.”
“It’s been a long time, Dean,” she says, a hint of sadness in her voice.
“It has,” I reply. A few beats of silence pass between us. I don’t think either of us really knows what to say or how to approach the elephant that sits between us.
“I see you’re close to winning the championship next week.”
They’ve been following me this whole time? A wave of excitement washes over me, knowing that they still care enough to follow through the season.
“Yeah, I am. How did you know?”
“I know that words have been spoken in the past, but we never stopped caring for you, Dean. It’s why we wanted you to stop racing after Daniel died.” She takes a breath, seemingly to steady herself before she continues. “We still watch every race. I wanted to reach out so many times…”
“What stopped you?” I ask, prompting her to continue.
“I just figured you would still be upset and didn’t want to talk to us.”
I’m in complete shock by what she’s admitted. They’ve been watching this whole time. Hiding in the shadows, wanting to come out, but they thought I didn’t want them in my life anymore. For a period of time, that was true. I was so angry that they wanted me to give up my passion. Over time, I’ve also wanted to reach out, but I always convinced myself it was a bad idea. That I’d remind them too much of Daniel and have them remember that he’s gone.
“You’re the one who cut ties, not me,” I say matter of factly.
“I know.” Mom sighs. “And we shouldn’t have done that. The grief of losing Daniel was, and still is, overwhelming. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, too.”
