“You did lose me, Mom. Two years lost between us.” She’s my mom, she’s supposed to support and love me no matter what. Her and Dad’s ultimatum kept us apart for two years. Dealing with our grief alone, when we could have helped each other heal.
“You and Dad wantedmeto give up my passion because ofyourfear. Do you know how hard it’s been for me without you there? Having to grieve Daniel alone. To see others have family members at events while mine are nowhere to be found. How much I wished you’d call?”
All of these feelings I’ve kept buried are bubbling up to the surface. How angry and sad I was that not only had I lost my little brother, but my parents as well when I needed them the most.
“You’re right. We shouldn’t have projected our fears onto you. We just didn’t want to lose you, too. In the end, we did, for two long years.”
My blood starts to cool as she explains. She sounds truly sorry, and maybe this was what we needed to happen to startto patch things up between us. Sure, it’ll take time to fully stitch us back together again. This is just the first stitch of many.
“I hope that we can continue to talk to each other. Both me and your dad miss you. I hope you’ll consider it.”
“I would like that,” I say. Even at twenty-two, having my parents support me is still important to me.
“That’s good to hear, Dean. Can I ask you one thing?”
“Sure.”
“What made you call now?”
Oh, shit. Do I tell her about Regan? Can I be so open about something like that so soon into trying to put the pieces of our relationship back together? Knowing my mom, she probably already knows. She has a way of knowing my secrets.
“A friend convinced me I should.”
“This ‘friend’ wouldn’t happen to be Regan Brady, would it?”
And there it is.
“It could…”
“Just because we haven’t spoken for two years doesn’t mean I’m not still your mom. And I still know everything.” She laughs.
I let out a chuckle. “I’ll call again soon, Mom.”
“I look forward to it.”
We hang up and I feel lighter, freer, and now more than ever, ready to tackle the next race and win the championship and the spot in the Cup Series.
FIFTY-ONE
REGAN
Before leaving for Talladega,I make plans with Cindy. A little BFF time is needed as the pressure for this race starts to settle in.
My anxiety has me spiraling with a case of the what ifs. What if I win? What if Dean wins? And the one I really hate, what if Ian wins? There is no room for mistakes. Everything has to be perfect to claim that Cup Series spot.
“Reg!” Cindy’s voice jolts me out of my spiral. “You’re spacing on me.”
“Sorry. The pressure is a lot right now.”
Cindy gives me a wavering look, a glint of light from her living room lamps shining off her silver hoop nose ring. She knows it’s more than just the race itself. It’s everything. It’s this final race, Dean, and even with the information that Dad found from that night, there may not be any consequences for Ian at all.
“I mean, maybe I’m spacing a little,” I admit. This is why I don’t date. I need to be fully focused, and right now, I’m not. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“I wouldn’t have to if you told me what you’re actually feeling, Reg,” Cindy scolds.
I release a sigh. “I’m still working through it all. I feel things I never thought I would for Dean Dixon. It’s all so complicated.”
“Sometimes, the things worth fighting for are complicated,” she says, rubbing my back. “You like Dean—hell, you may even love him. That’s not a bad thing. Figuring everything else out may be complicated if either of you win or if Hicks does. That is something you can figure out together.”
