I swallow.“I ...I never thought of that.That I could hurt him.”
“And he’s putting himself at your mercy because he can’t help it.He’s completely crazy about you.”
I think of Seth in the nude, open and vulnerable, and it takes everything I’ve got to not burst into tears.
“I’m kinda crazy about him, too,” I finally manage to say it.
Edie smiles and shakes our joined hands.“Now you just need to be brave, too.”
****
Following the afternoonconference session, I feel completely wiped out.I didn’t get to talk to Seth after lunch and he didn’t show up for any of the talks, so by the time I’m back in my room after the program is done for the day, I’m filled with dread that he gave up on me and went back home to Philly.Because I’ve managed to break this wonderful thing we’d just started to build.
But I need to be brave and I need to be sure.I have to talk to him.
I briefly debate if I should call his room, or maybe email him.After a few deep breaths, I decide to text him, because anything else sounds a little nuts.I pull up my phone and hope he still has the same number as he did in grad school.
Seth, it’s Billie.Can we talk?
As soon as I send the message, there’s a knock on the door.
I open, and it’s Seth, holding his phone.
He looks worried and tired and handsome, and guarded and oh so hopeful.“You wanted to talk to me?”
I swallow hard.“I did.I do.”
“I want to talk to you, too.”His eyes roam my face, his body coiled with tension.Like he’s ready to pounce, barely holding himself back.
“Come on in,” I say in a shaky voice, stepping aside to let him in.
I offer him to sit in the swivel desk chair, the only chair in the room.I sit on the edge of the bed.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
“What?Why?”
“For freaking you out yesterday.I ...I assumed we were on the same page.I didn’t take into account you’d been hurt pretty badly in your marriage and that you might not want anything serious.”
I nod and open my mouth to speak but he puts his hand up, so I remain mum.
“I’m willing to wait however long you need, Billie.But I won’t be on the periphery of your life.I’ve put out some feelers and I have several leads about jobs in Raleigh.”
My eyes widen.
“So I am moving to Raleigh no matter what, and when you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.”
Joy surges through my body, mixed with limb-weighing relief.“Thank you,” I whisper.
“No need to thank me.I love you and I am not giving up.I believe in us.”He smiles.“I’m actually being pretty selfish here.”
I wring my hands in my lap, still unable to meet his eyes.“I ...I talked to Edie today,” I say.“I think I got a better idea why what you said scared me.”
“Tell me.”
“Yeah.It’s my old insecurities and, ironically, how much I like you.”
He grins.“Oh yeah?”
