“I do. I didn’t mean to. But, much like with Roman, I fell for Cole the second I saw him. He’s so fucking sweet, smart, and funny, and I want to help raise him. I…still need to talk to Roman about it all. I don’t want to hurt him, or make him think I’m replacing him, but I want to see where things go between Marcus, Keegan, and I. They…they feel like mine, Cris. I canclose my eyes and sleep soundly, even with my son missing, because I know they’re going to take care of things when I can’t. I won’t live without them—I can’t.”
It becomes hard to breathe. Words swirl in my head, but they get stuck in my throat. My heart is pounding so hard I wouldn’t be surprised if Carter could hear it.
“I…I don’t know what to do without you, Caro.”
“Live, Cris. You can live and love. Give Allesandro a chance, a real chance. Once this is all over and we have Roman and Lio back. I want to see you happy, I do. I just…I can’t give you a third chance. Not if I want to do more than just live in your shadow.”
“I… Fuck, Carter.”
“I know. I know.” He places a hand over my heart. “It hurts so fucking much, but…you gave me the greatest gift I ever could have asked for, and I can never repay you for that.”
“You don’t have to. Roman is just as much your son as he is mine.”
He lets out a shaky breath. “Thank you.”
Leaning in, he kisses me. I lose the battle with my tears. It’s a bittersweet kiss. I try to soak up everything I can: the way he feels in my arms, the taste of him, the comfort and solace I’ve only ever found in him… Until the kidnapping. Until Allesandro. Until I destroyed my light in the dark with a few cruel words.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe our problems go back to the past decade, when he entered my life under false pretenses. Does it even matter anymore? I still would have made the same choices. I would have kissed Allesandro that day in my office, I would have hurt Ignacio to protect my pride and my son’s dignity. I would have tried to give Carter the world, even if it meant putting him in a gilded cage he never asked for.
Carter Amato brought me to my knees the first time we kissed ten years ago, and so it’s only fitting our relationship ends with a kiss that does the same.
When he finally breaks the kiss, he wipes the tears from my cheeks and says, “I’ve already been in touch with Sinclair. His team will…will be putting together a list for us about how to make this as painless as possible.”
“We don’t legally?—”
“Yes, we do,” he whispers. “I want more children, Cris. I want a family with them. It wouldn’t be right to still be married to you when that happens.”
Fuck.
“Don’t shut me out, Carter. I need to help with the plans for saving Roman.”
“Remember, it’s not just Roman. I know that’s your priority, it’s what makes you a good father. But Lio and Roman mean the world to everyone here, so don’t piss them off too much with your short-sightedness.”
I huff. “I’ll work on it.”
He pulls out of my arms. “I’ll always love you, Cris. You’re the father of my son, and you’ll always be special to me.”
“I love you, Carter.”
He goes to sit on his bed.
Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I watch him for a few more minutes, until I can’t ignore the inevitable any longer.
On unsteady feet, I head to the door, placing my hand on the doorknob. I take a breath, and then another one, before leaving the room.
Keegan is waiting in the hall, just as he said he would be. The sight of him shatters me, and I stagger away from Carter’s door. Keegan pushes away from the wall he was leaning against, and I stop him with a hand on his arm. He pulls away and stares at me impassively.
“Take care of him, please,” I ask in a broken voice.
“Don’t worry,” he says coldly. “He’ll never not know he’s loved.”
He leaves me standing in the hall as he goes into Carter’s room, shutting the door firmly behind him.
Between one breath and the next, I find myself on the floor, my legs unable to hold me up anymore as my world crumbles around me.
My mind spins out of control. What the hell is Antonio thinking? Me becoming Il Padrone again? I flinch from the mere thought of it. Fuck that. I can’t go back to that. I don’t want to go back to that. But if that’s what Emilio needs…
Fuck. I don’t know if I can be that person again, not even for my Boy. I’d lay my life down for him, but stepping back into that persona…it would kill me, and worse, eventually, it would break Emilio. Fuck.
