He shrugs, taking another bite. “Maybe I just appreciate consistency.”
I don’t respond. Truthfully, I’ve been distracted since the moment I sat down with him. My brain is flitting between excitement and fear. The weekend away with Liv was everything I wanted it to be and so much more that I didn’t know I needed… but I still haven’t addressed the email with her. This job could really be something.
Hudson eyes me for a second, the way he does when he knows there’s something I’m not saying. “What’s up with you, anyway? You’ve been weird since we sat down. Don’t tell me you’re off muffins now, too.”
I lean back in my chair, fingers drumming against the coffee cup. “No, I still love muffins.” I pause, debating how to start. “I just… got an email recently.”
His chewing slows. “The good or bad kind?”
“The kind that might change things,” I admit, looking down at the table. “It’s an interview. With the Valkyries.”
Hudson blinks. “The pro women’s rugby team in California?”
I nod, trying to play it casual, but my heart’s already thudding. “Their media director emailed back after I sent over my application. They’re creating the content team and want to bring in another photographer. It’s just an interview, nothing guaranteed.” My palms are sweating against the paper cup, heat bleeding through the cardboard.
Hudson lets out a low whistle. “Jay, that’s huge. That’s like—dream job territory.”
“Yeah.” I smile, though it feels faint. “It’s next week.”
“You’re not hyped?”
“I am,” I say and mean it, but something else buzzes under my skin. “It’s just things have been going well with Liv… if I get this, I’ll have to move, and I don’t know if I’ll even get it.”
Hudson wraps up the remainder of his muffin, knowing that I’m serious and need his full attention. “That’s a lot of what-ifs there. Are you sure you need to worry about that now? What did you say when you told her?”
I gnaw on the inside of my cheek, hesitating.
“You didn’t tell her yet,” he summarizes.
Shaking my head, I push my glasses up my nose. “I don’t know why I haven’t yet.” And that’s mostly the truth. The rest sits somewhere lower, heavy and unspoken alongside all therejection emails I’ve received over the last few months. I don’t want her to think I’m leaving after we’ve just started this thing. I don’t want to be another person who makes her believe in something and then disappears when things get real, but am I ready to tell her why? Am I ready to tell her I’ve fallen for her? Is she ready to hear that?
Hudson leans back in his chair, eyeing me. “Because you actually like her,” he says finally.
I nod, my head and heart at war as he continues.
“And now you have to think about her, not just you.”
“Now I don’t know how to tell her that I might’ve caught feelingsandI could be moving to another state.” The air disappears from the room, not because of how I feel about Liv, but because I have so much riding on this job, and I have so little faith in actually getting it that I’ve gotten to a point where I’m freaking out. Factor that in with Liv’s moving-out date looming, and everything suddenly feels like a pressure cooker. I want her. I want the job. I want everything, and I’m stuck under this lid, boiling up.
Hudson rubs the scruff on his jaw, blowing out a breath. “Look, I get it. You don’t want to jinx anything. But Liv’s not some fragile keepsake. You can’t protect her from the truth. You tell her, she’ll deal with it.”
“Yeah, I know.” I glance out the café window, watching the frost crawl along the corners. “I don’t want her to think I’m already halfway out the door.” Not when the reality is the opposite.
Hudson nods slowly. “Then don’t make it sound like you are. Tell her because she deserves to know, not because you’re saying goodbye. You’ve got a week, right? Maybe you’ll figure out what you actually want to say before then.”
I lean back, exhaling a long breath that does nothing to settle the knot in my chest. “What I want is to have both. Her, and this.But I don’t even know if I’ll get this job, man, this is exactly why I’m stumbling here.”
He studies me for a beat. “Then fight for both,” he says simply. I watch him, the easy confidence in his posture, the way everything always seems simpler to him. Maybe it’s because he’s already got what he wants—Daphne, Rosie, his place here. I’ve always been the one holding things together, not moving them forward. The guy people lean on while they chase the next big thing.
And now, for once, I have a shot at something bigger—but taking it might mean breaking the one thing that finally feels like mine. But my head just won’t let me believe I’m going to get it, and I can’t risk her. Not yet.
I smile faintly, shaking off the pressing feeling at my temples. “You’re getting good at this whole wise friend thing.”
Hudson smirks, brushing crumbs off his hoodie. “Don’t tell anyone. I’ve got a reputation to keep.”
Chapter forty-four
Liv
