Amélie moved in with them, and Claudia threw herself into getting in shape and preparing for a new chapter of her career. Living with a stranger felt like her waitressing days. Her roommate had been a stranger too when they moved in together. But this was different because Claudia was not only the boss, but she’d have to trust Amélie with her baby.
As far as setting up expectations went, Claudia failed from the start. The bungalow, which had been a mess when Amélie moved in, remained that way two months later. And somehow, Claudia found herself cooking for the nanny and running to the store to buy things she missed from home, like insanely expensive cheese and leeks. For reasons Claudia couldn’t understand, the girl ate leeks on a dailybasis. But Elliott took to Amélie almost immediately, and she to him. She was always listening for him. She got up early to care for him and happily took him off to do his evening bath on nights when Claudia was too tired. All in all, she was grateful to have her there.
Claudia had written a song about Mike a few weeks after he died. It was called ‘Already Gone,’ and she couldn’t get through it without breaking down, which meant she’d have to sing it over and over until she could. It needed to be fleshed out some too, and Dean enlisted the help of acclaimed producer Jay Knox to record it. They’d start at the beginning of January, so, along with giving Elliott the best first Christmas she could, Claudia needed to be ready to work in two weeks’ time.
It was early evening, and Claudia was barely through the front door, her arms loaded with shopping bags, when Amélie told her the big news. “That Enid woman called. She talked for a very long time about some documentary,” she said, not bothering to get up from the couch. “I wrote a note for you and put it on the table. It sounds like a very big deal.”
“Oh, all right,” Claudia answered, dropping the bags in the front entry and tugging off her jacket. She was tired and thirsty and not in the mood for anything Enid-related. Walking into the kitchen, she called over her shoulder, “How was the evening?”
“Perfect. Baby Elliott went straight to sleep in his crib.” Amélie followed her and took down two glasses from the cupboard while Claudia grabbed a bottle of Perrier from the fridge.
“I don’t know why he fusses when I try to put him down,” Claudia said.
“It is because you have milk and I don’t, so he knowsfussing will get him nowhere,” she answered in her perfect Parisian accent.
Claudia poured each of them some water, then took a few gulps before picking up the note off the table.
Enid called. A crew from VH1 will be at your recording sessions next month. They are making a new show called Behind the Music and will feature The Vows. Try to be as thin as possible.
Claudia’s gut felt heavy and she let her shoulders drop. “Shit,” she muttered.
“She is an awful person,non?”
“Yes.”
“I told her I did not want to write that down—about you being fat—but she insist.” Amélie shook her head. “In France, we don’t shame new mothers. Their bodies are to be celebrated.”
“Maybe I should move there.”
Amélie chuckled, then said, “But this news is exciting,non? It sounds like a very big deal. They are making shows about Fleetwood Mac and Billy Joel.” She tilted her head, looking impressed as she added, “Even Meatloaf.”
Claudia tucked her lips between her teeth to stop herself from laughing at her pronunciation of Meatloaf (which sounded more like Meatluff). “Is Meatloaf big in France?”
“Not to eat, of course. That is disgusting. But the singer is played in nightclubs. It is fun to dance to his songs.”
“Agreed about both things,” she answered, happy tohave a companion to talk to who could answer her back, even if she was paid to be there. She had another sip of her water, then stared at the note again. Her stomach churned at the thought of a crew filming her recording session. She would not only be alone for the first time ever, she’d also be struggling to hold it together. “I’m going to look like a blubbering idiot.”
“No, you will be fine. Besides, blubbering makes good TV. People love that shit.”
THE CONCERT
CLAUDIA —10 P.M.
By the time Claudia makes her final bow and exits the stage, she is overcome with emotion. Her breasts are tight and uncomfortably full. Elliott, who is a big eater, was too distracted to have a proper meal before she had to rush off. She hurries down the steps to the backstage area, glancing down at her chest to make sure there are no telltale leaks on her royal blue silk blouse. There are none. Yet.
The crowd continues to cheer and applaud, and she allows herself a second to drink in their praise, knowing she’s already won the night. If the crew wasn’t already setting up for The Vows, she’d be tempted to rush out for one last song. But it’s better this way because her debut ‘Already Gone’ will be the anthem when people relive the night.
She is delayed by several people who congratulate her, including Larry White, who wants to have a conversation about her future. He offers her a recording deal, his recently lifted eyes shining with emotion at the homage she paidtheir mutual friend. During their chat, she spots one of the girls who’s supposed to be watching Elliott, the boy-crazy one, Trish. A fleeting grimace of irritation shows on her face before she remembers she’s talking to a man who holds her entire career in his clammy pink palms. She tells herself that it’sbetterif Trish isn’t in the trailer with the baby. Trish is probably a distraction for the responsible one, Lisa, who will be lovingly watching Elliott while he slept right about then.
Larry and Claudia are joined by his wife, Greta, who grips her husband’s upper arm and glares openly at the singer while he gushes over her talent. Claudia smiles politely and tries to include Greta in the conversation so she won’t feel threatened by her. It doesn’t work.
When she finally slips away, she gets lost for a total of thirteen minutes (that feels more like six hours) among the dark rows of holiday trailers set up for each of the performers. She yanks open the doors to three of the wrong trailers before finally opening the one to hers. The buzz from the night’s success fades in an instant. The sound of the crowd becomes muted. Her mouth drops open. She calls Elliott’s name, then feels stupid because he’s barely past being a newborn, so there’s no way he can say, “Oh, hey Mom, I’m over here.” No matter how gifted she knows he is.
Claudia checks the tiny bathroom even though she knows Lisa and the baby aren’t in there. She stands still, her mouth dry, her heart racing. She knows there could easily be a reasonable explanation for their absence. They could be in the trailer next to hers, designated for Lisa’s family. But even as she hurries over to it, she already knows Elliott won’t be in there. Something is very wrong. She bangs on the door and gets no answer. The trailer is unlocked and, when she goes inside, she finds it empty.
1992
“Who you are is what you settle for, you know?” ~ Janis Joplin
