“It’s never been too much for Super Jessica, so I’m pretty sure I can handle it.”
“Oh my God,whyare we talking about Thanksgiving right now?” Jessica asked.
“Because you brought it up.”
Jessica took a long inhale, then blew out from her nostrils. “You’re missing the point. What I’m trying to say is that my life isn’t this easy peasy, no stress thing that you make it out to be. I don’t sit around all day eating chocolate and watching soap operas.”
“But you could.”
“No, I really couldn’t and the fact that you even think that shows how out of touch you are with what I do. It takes a lot to keep this place going every day. A lot. I have to be organized and work hard and keep a lot of balls in the air all the time. I also have no control over anything. My life revolves around everyone else’s schedules and what you all want. Your squash game on Wednesdays means I have to make sure to do laundry on Tuesdays so you’ll have what you need to go have fun with your friends.”
“If it’s really so awful, I’ll do my own laundry from now on.”
“Jesus, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that up until now, my life has been controlled by the schedule and whims of three other people and one dog.”
“You’re the one who wanted the dog!”
Jess closed her eyes for a second, telling herself not to scream. “I know that, but I thought the kids would help more.”
“News flash: children are selfish beings whose lives revolve around themselves. Expecting them to be more than that is just stupid.”
“Oh, so now I’m stupid?” she asked, hot, angry tears filling her eyes.
Mike rolled his eyes. “Not stupid. I didn’t mean to say that.”
“But youdidsay it.”
“I meant unrealistic.”
“Well, thanks. That’s much nicer,” Jessica said, oozing sarcasm. Getting up, she said, “You know what? Forget it. I was hoping we could have a good conversation, maybe clear things up a bit and figure out a way forward, but clearly you just want to fight.”
“I’m not the one who’s disrupting everyone’s lives. That would be you. And expecting me to be happy about it is…” He stopped himself so Jess finished his sentence for him.
“Stupid?”
“Extremely unrealistic.” Mike turned back to the television. “But you do you, Jess. Because your happiness is clearly more important than mine.”
“You know what? Shut up. Just shut up,” Jessica told him, storming out of the room.
She set her wine glass down on the kitchen counter so hard, she was scared it might break. Then, she gathered up her computer and notepad and stalked up the stairs to the bedroom and shut the door. “Asshole,” she muttered.
And that was it. In that moment, Jessica decidedshewas the one who was done. Done with worrying about what her selfish family thought about what she was doing. Screw them all. She deserved a chance at her own happiness and she was going to go out and get it. They could either get on board or she would leave them behind at the selfish station.
* * *
Secret Journal Entry
November 2nd
Note: I’ve managed to go weeks without one of my escape scenarios running through my mind, but in the last two days, a new one has popped up that I can’t shake. I thought they would stop when I started my new career path, and they did, for a while, but I think the strife at home is causing this one to roll around in my mind. So, some progress, but maybe one step back too. Also, Noah has been a total Grumpy Gus since having ‘the world’s most boring Halloween ever,’ so that hasn’t helped much.
Today’s Fantasy: I’m seated behind a massive desk in my Manhattan corner office, looking over a court filing. Obviously, I’m dressed in a classic Chanel suit and I’m twenty pounds lighter. My paralegal, Brock, knocks on the door and asks if it’s okay for him to leave for the day. I tell him yes, and thank him for all his hard work. He answers by saying I’m the best boss of all time, and he can’t believe how lucky he is that he gets to work for me.
I smile to myself as I put the finishing touches on the document, then close my laptop and get up from my desk, sliding my feet back into my Louis Vuittons. Walking over to my floor to ceiling window, I look out over the city’s skyline. I can see all the way out to the Statue of Liberty.
Another knock on the door interrupts me and my boss comes in. She tells me she’s got the toughest case of her career and needs to pick my brain. Could we go for supper to talk it over? I give her a resounding yes, and grab my handbag, knowing I’m a total rockstar.
16
