Since he kissed me, I can’t help but look at him differently. The way when he smiles, his eyes crease, and when he’s unsure, he screws his nose up. The way those dark eyes penetrate into my soul and draw me in, but also how fucking hot he is. I mean, I always knew he was good-looking, but looking at him now, really looking at him, he could be a god damned poster child for enlisting to fight all the demons down in hell, and I’d sign up. I’d follow him down there, no questions asked. I’m in.
I’m just not sure where all these feelings have come from. I don’t think I’ve ever thought,fuck, that guy’s hot, I want to fuck him, orI want him to fuck me. Shit, I haven’t really thought about the logistics, but when he kissed me, and his hand made its way inside my boxers, nothing had ever felt so right. I can feel my dick getting hard, and I try to think of anything else. I bite down on my lip and calm my breathing, but he’s watching me with those eyes that see everything, and I know he knows I’m struggling.
“I’m good,” I say.
He chuckles. “I didn’t ask, Squirmy.”
“Fuck off!” I laugh and throw a prawn cracker at him. He picks it up and scoops some of the food onto it,and shovels it into his mouth, winking at me, and fuck, when did that become sexy? When did everything he does go from just something he does to sexy as fuck? I could cum in my pants right now.
I glare at him, and he smirks.Fuck my life. I wipe my hand down my face and blow out a breath. That smirk would have me committing crimes, and I’d go down happily for them.I think I could go down for him.My mouth dries at the thought.Fuck, could I suck a dick? Would I suck a dick?Jesus, could I fuck or be fucked?
I flush and pull at the collar of my t-shirt. It’s suddenly really hot in here, and all I can think about is dicks. Well, not all dicks, just his dick, and fuck… I think I need a cold shower and maybe a Xanax or five.
“Hey, breathe. Whatever you’re thinking, stop, okay?”
“What?”
“Breathe, Jay.”
I let out my breath and shake my head. “Just getting ahead of myself.”
“Sex?”
I nod and take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.
“We’re just having food, okay? We’ve done this a thousand times before. It’s no different. We don’t have to do anything other than have food. We can draw the line and step back behind it. I will not jeopardise what we have, not for maybes, Jay. One day at a time, okay?”
“I think I want to, though,” I whisper out. “I just don’t know how to get there.”
He reaches his hand across the table, squeezing mine. “Slowly, just really slowly, okay?”
I nod and smile at him. “What’s your fortune cookie say?”
He rolls his eyes at me, and I snap mine open and smile. “Be ready for new beginnings.”
He rolls his eyes and snaps his open. “You’re looking at your future.”
A seriousness falls over the table as we gaze at each other. I know they’re cheesy bullshit, but right now, I kinda hope they’re right.
After we’ve argued over who’s paying, we head out to the car. We slide in, and I’m just about to ask if Ryder wants to come back to mine when he shocks me.
“Will you drop me back home?”
“Erm, yeah, sure.” I feel all kinds of disappointed, and I wonder if he’s changed his mind, if something didn’t feel right or if he doesn’t want to try.”
“Stop overthinking.” He grins. “I had a great time, and I just think taking it really slow is for the best. I don’t want to come on too strong like I did the other night and freak you out.”
I nod but can’t help feeling upset. I’m not ready for the night to be over yet. I want more time with him. I need more time.
I turn off towards my place, and he turns in his chair. “Why are we going to yours?”
“I’m not done yet.” I smile. “I’m not ready for you to go home. I want more time.”
“Jay, we need to take this slow, okay?”
“Yeah, slow, but not backwards. If we went out for food, normally you would stay at mine, or I would stay at yours. I’m not sure how your mum and dad would feel about us sleeping in the same bed anymore, so mine was the safer option.”
He shakes his head and sits back for the short drive home.
