Once I’m three-quarters of the way through my first bottle and pretty much shit-faced, I decide I’ve wallowed enough and should probably head home. As I start to walk, walking’s hard and wobbly, and my brain’s fuzzy, and my lips tingle. I need a piss, and I want a kebab. No, Ineeda kebab. I stumble into the kebab shop and order two doner kebabs.Kebabs… that’s a funny word, kebab. Kebabs, kebabs.
Then I puff out a breath. It’s a fair walk back home. It’s not; it’s about ten minutes, but right now, I want to sit and eat my kebab and have a piss. I head to Jay’s. He lives near here, and apparently, I have an extra kebab. Knocking on his door, it swings open.
“Fuck’s sake, where have you been? Your mum has been calling me all night. I’ve been calling you all night. Why haven’t you answered your phone?”
“Kebab?” I say, holding up my bag, smiling at him.
He shakes his head and drags me inside, locking the door behind me. He pulls out his phone. “Mary, I’ve got him. He’s here… he’s fine… yeah, he’s gonna stay here. I’ll bring him back tomorrow sometime… yeah, will do… love you too.”
I snigger. “You love my mum?”
He shakes his head. “Yeah, I love your mum, and I love your dad, and I love you, so what happened, and why have you turned on your dumb fuck switch?”
“Nu-uh, have not.”
“Okay, genius, what’s six times elephant divided by apple pie?”
“Wait, I know this one. Hang on.” I start to count on my fingers.
“See, dumb fuck switch activated. Let’s get you upstairs and do something with all… this.” He gestures to all of me. I follow him upstairs, stumbling up a few steps before we push into Jay’s living room. I put my stuff on the table and shove the bottle at Jay.
“Catch up, piss!” I stumble off to the bathroom. While I’m in there, I have the genius thought: if I get undressed now while I’m already undoing my jeans, I won’t have to do it later.
I stride across the living room in my boxers, and Jay flicks me a look and shakes his head. He’s chugging the Jack, so I slide in beside him and rest my head on his shoulder.
“I brought you a kebab.” I smile, and he taps the side of my face.
“Thanks, dickhead.” I smile again as I rip the bag open and devour my kebab. Jay picks at his and finishes the first bottle of Jack.
“Wanna talk about it?”
I shake my head, take a few more mouthfuls of kebab, and then say, “They’re having a baby.”
He smiles at me, but it’s one of those sympathetic smiles, and I look away. I shrug. “I thought I was important, ya know.”
“I know.” We’re quiet for a while. We finish the kebabs and start the next bottle of Jack. “Come on, let’s head to bed.” Jay says.
“I’m not tired.”
“No, you’re not, but when you pass out, and you will, you’re a big fucker, and I can’t carry you to bed anymore, so you’re gonna have to get yourself there.”
I nod and stumble towards the bedroom. I sit against the headboard, and Jay does the same. We pass the bottle between us until I’m steaming, and he’s well on his way. I slump down and turn to face him. He slides down, doing the same.
“You think he’s happy?”
“Nah, man, how could he be? He lost the best thing that ever happened to him.”
“Yeah, he was gutted he didn’t get on the team.”
“No dipshit, he lost you!”
“You think so?”
“I fucking know so.” Jay nods.
I smile at that. Jay always knows what to say. I study his features. He’s only got more good-looking as time has gone on. “He’s not.”
“He’s not what?”
