“Is it because of… you know?”
I get up off the couch, a restless energy making me twitch. We don’t talk about what happened. Ever.
“No.” I huff.
Lies. Lies. Lies.
Truthfully, my back went up the moment I met Dean. He was friendly, and he smiled at me, and for the first time in along time, I wanted to get closer. But close is not safe. So, I was rude to him, and now we hate each other. It’s really that simple. Savannah is my only friend here. Sure, her friendship group has welcomed me, but I’d hardly call them my friends.
“Anyway,” Savannah sighs, dropping it knowing I’m not ready to talk about it, “He didn’t know she was pregnant. Lily’s mother dropped her on the porch and then left without a trace.”
“Oh, that poor baby,” My heart breaks.
“Yeah,” Savannah wrings her hands in her lap, her eyes full of sadness. Children are innocent, they rely on us so much, and for her mother to abandon her like that… I can’t even imagine. After working with kids for so long, I’ve seen a lot of awful things, and it was fulfilling to be a source of comfort and structure for many children.
I miss it. Miss looking after babies, teaching them, watching them grow…
“Sloane?” Sav touches my leg, startling me from my thoughts where I stand ahead of her.
“Sorry,” I shake my head, “Do you need anything?”
She gives me a soft smile, “No, I think I’m okay. Just gotta be there, you know?”
“Yeah,” I nod, throat tight. “Well, if I can do anything to help, let me know, yeah?”
She smirks, “You sure about that?”
“Hey,” I chuckle, “I may not like Dean much, but that baby is innocent.”
With a roll of her eyes, the weight in the air shifts, and the rest of our catchup is easy, but eventually she has to go, leaving me to the silence of my isolation once more, where the loneliness creeps in.
As darkness falls beyond the window, I walk the house, checking the locks on the windows and external doors for the fourth time today. A habit I’ve developed since everything went down. I know they’re locked, but there’s no harm in checking anyway, and once that’s done, I grab water from the fridge and head up to my bedroom where I then lock that door too, hiding myself inside. There’s a gun in my bedside table drawer, and pepper spray under my pillow, as well as a panic button set up to contact the police the moment I press it.
I know I’m in for a long night. I always am, where I fight to get to sleep and then fight in my dreams some more. Forever haunted by memories and nightmares. I may have escaped a monster once, but that doesn’t mean I am free of it.
No, that would be far too easy, too kind…
He wanted me to suffer, and suffer I do.
Chapter Three
Ihave work to do. A new hit for the organization needs tracking before we can make the move, but I’m sitting here, my baby girl in my arms while I attempt to feed her a bottle she’s refusing to take. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing wrong!
She doesn’t sleep. She doesn’t eat. She cries and fuck…I don’t know what to do!
Grabbing my cell, I hit dial on Bast’s contact info and put it on speaker.
“Shh,” I try to be gentle, but my gritted teeth makes the sound far harsher than I intended. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m getting help.”
“Dean,” He answers on the fourth ring.
“I need fucking help, man,” I beg weakly.
“What’s going on?” I hear him shuffling around, Willow’s voice in the background.
“Lily,” I sigh, “I’m fucking this up.”
I think of my childhood, howIwas raised,and sure, I’m not a fucking drunk or an abuser, but I feel like I will mess this kid up before she even has a chance.
