I just need this pain inside my chest to end.
And I know she isn’t okay either, she is putting on a show for everyone else, but I’ve watched her so much, read her like a book and studied each word that makes her who she is. I see the pain, the confusion, the internal screaming for someone,anyoneto help her.
And I know I could. But I can’t.
I curl my arms, the weights nearly impossible to lift but then I hear something pop, and pain explodes in my shoulder and arm causing me to drop the weights. My teeth clamp together and black spots dance across my vision, the pain making my head throb.
“Fuck,” I yell, the cry of my pain bouncing off the walls back at me. Alone. So fucking alone.
A week has passed since Savannah was discharged from the hospital and today she is going home. To a home she cannot remember where the walls hold memories of us. We are in the mortar, built into the foundations.
That home is where I became hers eternally and yet I am not there.
“Right,” Dean slams on the breaks, throwing me forward in the car. Pain bursts through me as my shoulder smites, the tingling in my fingers increasing withthe pain. It’s been like this since it happened, I should probably see a doctor, but the pain is actually distracting me enough that I managed to sleep an extra hour. “The fuck is going on with you?”
The pain eases a fraction as I breathe through it, “Nothing.”
“Bull fucking shit,” He snaps, “I’m your fucking brother, Iknow.”
“You don’t know shit,” I bite back.
“That’s what you really think?” Dean laughs without humor. “You’re really going to sit there and fucking lie to me? Something iseatingyou alive, Killian. More than when were kids and dad beat the living shit out of me.”
I wince at the memory.
But Dean is relentless. “You fought then, you fought to make it stop because I fucking couldn’t. And it killed you to watch it happen which is why we are where we are. But this past week? Hell, the past few months, something has been and is wrong.”
“I’m fine,” I squeeze my eyes closed as I roll my shoulder, trying to release some of the tension there.
“What did you do to your shoulder?” He asks.
“Mishap in the gym,” It’s not a lie but it hardly makes up for all the betrayal I’ve committed since I caved to my cravings.
“Then see a fucking doctor, we have one on retainer.”
“I’m good.”
He laughs without humor, “This is what you do.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I pinch the bridge of my nose, “We’re going to be late.”
“It isn’t like she’s moving in with shit tons of boxes to unpack,” Dean grumbles, “Bast wants us there for support for her and we can do that, just as soon as you tell me what the fuck is wrong with you.”
“Nothing is wrong. Let’s go.”
He sighs, “You did it when we were kids too, Killian. Pushed yourself too far, too hard. Hurt yourself doing it because it made you feel something other than the shit we had to endure.”
My teeth clench, “Dean.”
“You’ll fucking tell me, Killian, I swear it.”
“There is nothing to tell.”
His eyes bore into the side of my face, but he won’t win this. I won’t drag him into this, force him to lie too. This is mine, my pain, my secrets and my fucking heartbreak.
He may know when something is up, but he also knows I won’t talk unless I want to, not even under duress. He could torture me, bring me to the cusp of death and still, I will remain silent.
Eventually, he hits the gas again, pulling us back into traffic. I only accepted the ride with him because of my fucking shoulder but if I have to isolate from himtoo, I will.
