Arms reach out to steady me, large hands wrapping around my upper arms gently.
My eyes flick up only to find Killian staring down at me, the fathomless depths of his eyes seeming to swallow me whole. He looks down his nose, face blank of any emotion but he isn’t letting go of me.
“Sorry,” I mumble, “I wasn’t looking.”
A muscle ticks in his jaw, “Are you okay?”
That is a loaded question.
No would be the truth but I know that’s not what everyone wants to hear. They want me to be okay, to bounce back like nothing even happened.
“I’m fine,” I widen the false smile. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
His hands do a gentle squeeze, “Don’t lie to me, Savannah.” There’s a warning in his tone that does the opposite of what it’s supposed to. Instead of feeling reprimanded or scared, I feel warm, like a thousand mini butterflies have taken flight inside of my stomach.
“I’m not lying,” I breathe. Neither of us attempt to move and he still doesn’t remove his hands, if anything he is closer, the air around us sizzling.
He blinks slowly and quirks a single brow in challenge, “That right?” He cocks his head to the side, the move somewhat animalistic, like a predator sizing up its prey to see which angle would be best to strike.
“Of course,” The lie burns.
A heavy silence falls between us but then a loud clatter sounds from down the hall and Killian drops his hands, stepping to the side to let me through. I dip my eyes, the moment shattered and move to step away.
“If you’re going to lie, Savannah,” His voice is soft, a rasp that runs down my spine and prickles against my skin, “Make sure the person you’re lying to hasn’t figured out your tells.”
I spin, mouth agape but he’s already shutting himself in the bathroom, stopping the conversation.
For a minute, I stand there, wondering what the hell just happened but then Bast calls my name, his chair scraping across the floor to come look for me so I rush back to them, pushing whatever the hell that was with Killian to the side for the minute.
Bast is just rounding the table when I come back into the room, ignoring every set of eyes on me.
“Where did you go?” He frowns, running his eyes over me as if he can see what’s wrong. But he won’t.
“I just needed a minute is all,” I fake a yawn, “Listen, I’m exhausted, these meds really fuck with me, do you mind if I just call it a night?”
“Of course,” He sighs, “Do you need anything?”
“No, I’m good,” I peer round him to the rest of the group still sitting at the table save that one vacant spot where Killian should be. “Night guys!”
They all say it back and before anyone can ask anything, I beeline for the stairs.
“Sleep tight, Tiny Dancer,” His voice freezes me, and I look over my shoulder to see him at the bottom of the stairs, hands in his pockets. There’s something there, something churning in his dark eyes, but I can’t name it.
“Good night, Killian.”
I go the rest of the way and the whole time; I feel his eyes on my back.
Chapter Forty
Can’t fucking breathe.
She’s so close and yet unreachable, off limits. I did this.
She is on one side of the canyon, and I am on the other, a giant void between us. There is no going back, no undoing what I have done. And I am suffering. Suffering like I have never suffered before.
I wish I never fucking fell in love with her because my heart is no longer my own. How am I meant to live when she was the only reason I got through the long, dark nights?
Sweat rolls down my face, down my chest and back, muscles begging me to stop but like every night since the accident, I don’t. I’ve done permanent damage toone of my shoulders and every day, my muscles protest and yet every night I torture myself again.
