“Miss?” A sweet, calm voice says from beside me before a warm hand is pressed to my upper arm. “Can I help you?”
My eyes flick to her, watery from tears that don’t fall, and I open my mouth to speak but only a weak cry emits from my lips.
I feel my knees give out, but I don’t ever hit the floor. “Okay,” She soothes, catching me, “Okay, come with me. I’ve got you.”
I stumble beside her, her arm keeping me up until we are in a small private room. She helps to lower me into a chair before she runs off and is back in a moment with towels and wipes.
“You’re okay,” She consoles as she pulls a wipe from the pack and begins to smooth it over my red stained hands. “Someone you love is here?”
I nod mutely.
She focuses on the blood, pulling more wipes from the pack as she washes away the traces of Sebastian’s blood from my skin.
“They’re going to be okay.”
“He’s my – he’s my…” I can’t even bring myself to speak, to even utter a confirmation of what he is to me.
“I understand,” she says gently. “Are you pregnant?”
Her eyes are on the swell of my stomach, and I nod.
“Come with me.” She ditches the wipes and helps me to stand again, ushering me out of the room and through the long halls of the hospital. “I shouldn’t be doing this,” She talks as we walk despite my silence and I’m grateful for it, it gives me something to focus on. If not for the rambling, I’d be thinking about Bast and where he is in this place, wondering if he’s dyingand not being able to see him before he goes.
“I’m on break,” The sweet nurse continues, somehow knowing that I need this and doesn’t mind my silence, “But my sister is working, I want to get you checked really quick, is that okay?”
I nod, or at least I think I do and the next thing I know, I’m lying on a bed and gel is being placed against my abdomen.
Faces swim in my vision, two women with dark skin and dark eyes that are so kind and warm they actually settle something inside of me. And then I hear the heartbeat. Fast, like a train on a track and when I move my head to the side, I see the scan of the baby growing inside of me, moving and kicking around even though I can’t feel it.
A hand holds mine and silent tears track down my face, so hot they burn.
“Look at that little babe,” The same nurse who found me in the halls says, “A right little fighter.”
Just like their dad… I think.
“Healthy,” The other one says, “About twenty weeks?” Her eyes turn to me for confirmation.
I nod, “We just had a gender scan, but I don’t know yet.”
She dips her chin in understanding, “Baby is looking good, healthy.”
I keep watching the monitor, seeing that little bean moving, their little legs and arms, barely developed kicking around inside of me and yet I don’t feel a thing.
It gives me hope. Hope that Sebastian will pull through, but I also know I could do this. Because that small infant has become my entire being. My entire world.
But I don’t want to do it without him. It isn’t a case of I can’t, because I can, but I don’t want to. I want him. I want his hands, and his kisses and his words, I want him to hold me and tell me it’s all okay. I need him. I need him like I need the air in my lungs.
When we’re done, the same nurse that brought me up here walks out with me, quiet at my side as we navigate the halls of the hospital.
“Thank you,” I whisper to her.
She places a gentle hand on my arm just before we head out into the main waiting area of the hospital. “You looked like you needed a friend.” Is all she replies with.
“Willow!” My name is called, stealing my attention from the kind nurse and I see Olivia charging toward me, her face a mix of panic and despair.
She gets to me, wrapping me in her arms tightly and when I turn back, the nurse who was with me before is gone. I didn’t even get her name.
Focusing back on my friend, I ask, “How did youknow?”
