Half dozed, I trudge through the apartment, feet slapping on the hard wood floors as I make my way to the kitchen where his food bowls are.
As much as I grumble about the cat, I still had his name, Pumpkin – don’t judge me, it was Halloween and he was sitting next to a pumpkin! – delicately printed onto his food and water bowls. Grabbing his food, I empty it into his bowl and place it on the floor for him before I make myself coffee.
I didn’t have classes today, but I had a killer assignment to complete for next week and I wasn’t even halfway finished yet, so I’d planned on doing that today.
I’ve officially been in college for nine months now. It was hard leaving the island. Hard saying goodbye to my sister and brother-in-law, hard seeing Ruthie wave me goodbye but it was also hard seeing those docks everyday knowing he wasn’t there.
He was gone.
Vanished.
My texts went unread and unanswered, though I knew the number was still in use – I called a couple times or maybe a couple hundred times – but he never answered. I’d found myself hovering over the delete button on his number more times than I could count but I could never bring myself to do it.
He was a dangerous man, he told me that, Iwitnessedit, yet I still have this strange obsession with him. Like an itch in my skin I can’t scratch.
And it was affecting everything.
I was still a virgin. Imagine that, now almost twenty-three, late to college which makes me so much older than my classmates, which is embarrassing anyway, and still a virgin. Not that anyone knows that.
I have friends but I would never tell them.
Cradling my coffee I lean against the counter, watching Pumpkin as he happily eats his food. I wasn’t staying in any student accommodation and didn’t share, Imogen and Shawn helped me pay for this one bed apartment a block away from campus, while I worked part time down at the bar to pay the rest of the rent and my bills. It’s hard, doing it all, but worth it.
I maintained some of my independence this way while satisfying my sisters’ need to mother me, which I’ll forever be grateful for.
I head back through to the living room after I brush my teeth and tackle my hair into a bun, grabbing my laptop to continue the assignment. I’m on shift tonight at the bar so wouldn’t be able to do it this evening, even though I’ve always much preferred doing my school work at night.
I wasn’t, however, looking forward to seeing all the college kids. There’s a game tonight and the bar always gets crowded on game nights, but it wasn’t that that made me nervous. There’s a guy and damn, he’s been nagging me for a date. No wasn’t good enough of an answer for him and he corners me whenever he catches me out from behind the bar. He’s on the team so there’s no doubt I’ll be cornered at least once tonight.
I haven’t dated once since coming to college, I’ve maintained my no men rule, especially since every man I’ve met has been weighed up against Kolten, and they all fall short. They’re not tall enough, not dark enough, they don’t laugh like he does – this deep chuckle that rumbles through my bones in a way that settles into my soul. They don’t look at me the same way, their hands are too soft or too hard, their eyes too blue or too brown.
They aren’t him.
Which is ridiculous.
It’s been almost two damn years since I stood on that dock and watched his boat head for the horizon. So many months have passed since I last saw his face or felt his mouth on mine, and yet I still think of him as if I saw him yesterday.
We didn’t even sleep together!
Rolling my eyes at myself, I slam my laptop shut, my focus now everywhere else but my assignment and decide to take a shower, getting ready a little early for work since I had nothing else to do and couldn’t focus on anything else.
Dressed in jeans and my bar polo, I slip my feet into my docs and put some treats down for Pumpkin before I head out. It’s evening now anyway but my shift doesn’t start for another hour, though I’m sure they’ll appreciate my help anyway.
My feet stick to the floor behind the bar as I move from one customer to the next, pouring beer and shots for them as they scream and holler, zealous after the win the team had tonight. Cheerleaders dance on the tabletops, and cups lay scattered across the floor. The staff have long since given up collecting them and I’m so grateful that we switched to plastic cups earlier in the evening. Cleaning up glass in a crowd like this is not the way to go.
Music blasts loud enough to vibrate my eardrums, and I’ve taken to lip reading to take orders, since I can barely hear myself think, let alone hear someone talking to me.
Swiping the card for the customer, I hand it back and move to the next, taking the order. It’ only midnight and close isn’t for another three hours. I’m sticky with sweat and alcohol, and my clothes are damp, but I don’t stop, and I smile like I’m having as good of a time as everyone else in this place.
“Hello gorgeous!” A cringe runs down my spine when I see Patrick shouting at me over the bar. He could be the poster boy for entitled, rich kids, with his varsity jacket and slicked hair that literally shines in the dim lighting. His teeth are gleaming and he’s clean shaven. He’s the type of guy who believes himself a god and that women should be grateful just to be in his presence.
In total, he’s a prick. But I’m too nice to tell him to fuck off directly. I doubted he’d take the hint even if I did. How many times can a girl say no before he’ll get that they’re not interested? I’ve lost count of how many ‘no’s’ I’ve given him.
“Hello,” I grumble, “What can I get you?”
“You know my order,” He winks.
Gag.
