My stomach cramps and I lean over the edge even further. A part of me genuinely wanted to trust Leon. To believe he could love me.
I was so stupid.
My cheeks heat through the damp tears as I get angrier with myself. I keep letting this happen. It’s never going to stop.
The wind around me picks up, and the purple glow over the water grows brighter. I stare at the waves.
It would be so easy.
Just another few millimeters, and I’ll be gone.
I’ll finally be free.
The thoughts are like a siren’s song, beckoning me closer.
My body sways with the increasingly violent wind, and I teeter on the edge, wondering whether I will decide to live today.
But the next moment, an arm wraps around my waist, and I’m yanked from the edge. Tumbling backwards, I land on a hard chest and immediately realize Sin’s arm is around me.
I move to shove him off but freeze when I see it. Directly above us, a purple vortex of energy is swirling, its size dwarfing the cliff. The crackling and roaring of electric energy and wind are almost deafening, drowning out the sounds of the waves below.
I recognize the storm. It’s a more intense version of what I created the night the forsaken crashed my apartment. Sin’s tattoos flare to life, and I watch, shocked, as the purple energy slowly dissipates. The red glow grows brighter, and I realize he’s working to nullify the energy I’ve accidentally created.
Once the storm has faded, I move to climb out of Sin’s grasp again, but he doesn’t loosen his hold on me. Instead, he spins me so I’m facing him, holding me close enough that I can feel his heart trying to hammer its way through his chest.
His tone is accusatory when he asks, “Were you about to jump?”
I frown at him. My mental state is a highly private matter and stays between me and my therapist.
My very non-existent therapist.
I decide to deflect.
“It doesn’t matter. Shouldn’t we be talking about that?” I ask, pointing at the sky that was exploding in a violent storm just moments before.
Sin doesn’t even glance up, his eyes locked on me. “I asked you if you were about to jump.”
His arms tighten around me even further.
I had just decided to step away from the cliff’s edge – right when he showed up, and the shame crushes me. I stare at a patch of rock between us, not wanting him to see my face when I answer, “I couldn’t do it. I wanted to, and I couldn’t. Okay?”
Sin sighs, and he releases me. I sit next to him, still trembling. We don’t look at each other and instead sit silently, watching the waves.
My tears haven’t stopped falling, but I’m too raw to care. If Sin is disgusted with me, then he can get in line. No matter how much he dislikes me, it has nothing on how much I hate myself.
After a time, he finally asks, “Why?”
I rest my head on my knees and figure I have nothing to lose at this point. “Because you were right. I let people use me. I’ve done horrible things. And even in this life, it hasn’t stopped. My life is bringing nothing but more pain. I can’t keep living like this. So, I thought dying might be a better option.”
Another tear falls, and I continue, “But you were right. I am weak. I’m too much of a coward to jump.”
I shift my arm to hide behind it, like the coward I am, wishing I could block it all out.
A gentle but firm hand pulls my arm down. He doesn’t let me go.
“Choosing to live is not a weakness. Being a survivor and continuing to fight, that is bravery. You let yourself be controlled, just as Cassandra did. But when she realized it, she fought for what was right. She was brave,” Sin answers as he watches me earnestly.
I frown at him, wondering how he could know that. But Sin continues before I have a chance to ask, “You’re at the same crossroads. There are atrocities being carried out in the realms. You aren’t the first or the last to be controlled by the whims of the Council. Ending your life is a way out, but it won’t make things better.”
