I turn to the others, confused. Rosie looks horrified, and Magnus and Damien look seriously disturbed.
Way to go, Vivian. Making things awkward for everyone with your trauma dumping.
Rosie swallows and takes a shaky breath before correcting me, “The bond between Irena and I has never caused us pain, Vivian. It just made us a bit more invested in each other’s well-being. That you are experiencing brain fog, pain, and a very strong desire to – well, let’s not mince words, fuck Leon’s brains out… That’s not a Keeper bond. It sounds…”
She swallows thickly and looks afraid. She takes a deep, shuddering breath before continuing, “I don’t think you have a natural Keeper bond. It sounds like your bond has been tampered with to be much more sinister. I think someone is trying to force you into being with Leon. And whoever it is that did the tampering, they have tried very hard to make sure you don’t realize it.”
Chapter 10
Rule ten:Do not get turned on at the thought of being his sex slave.
Ithink I’m going to throw up.
I excuse myself from the table, and mercifully, no one tries to stop me. My head is spinning, and I don’t know how to stop it. The castle walls feel like they’re starting to close in on me.
I can’t breathe again. This panic attack is coming on with a vengeance. I don’t think I’m going to make it to my room.
The large double doors that lead outside the castle are a few steps away. Numbly, I push one open and walk out into the brisk night air. The grass is cool beneath my feet, and I start walking into the night. I have no direction in mind other than, ‘Don’t go towards themurder forest.’
The breeze pushes my hair from my face, and I use the wind to try and force more air into my lungs.
Breathe, Vivian.
Just fucking breathe.
It’s not that hard. And quite frankly, it’s really shitty of my body to decide that breathing is not for me when I’m feeling overwhelmed. It’s right up there with fear paralysis in terms of lousy responses to danger.
I follow the stone path that leads around the side of the castle. There’s a rock wall parallel to it, and my fingers trail along the smooth stonework. The sensation helps to ground me. The path splits into two directions up ahead. One leads to a stairway leading up to a balcony on the second floor, whereas the other leads to Rosie’s garden. Small twinkle lights flicker between plants, giving the garden a magical ambience.
I take a hard left, steering well away from the greenery. Even though I’ve helped Rosie with her plants a few times now, gardens still remind me of the maze at the Council’s castle. Mazes remind me of Leon, and what we did in there.
My stomach cramps.
Every intimate moment with Leon, was it all just the product of a corrupted bond?
Did he know? How could he not if he’d already had other Keepers before me?
Leon’s words haunt me…I never had a choice.
The depressive haze starts to press around me as I make my way up the steps. I focus on shoving that train of thought deep down with the other emotions I’m not dealing with. But the box feels more fragile than it usedto be. Like I’m repressing too much, and it’s starting to burst at the seams.
That thought is terrifying.
The steps curve around the castle wall and open to a large semicircle stone balcony. It looks over the sand arena where Damien and I have been training. There are open doors, with translucent white curtains billowing in the small breeze. I can’t make out many details, despite the dim lamps floating along the walls. The place has a shadowy but cozy atmosphere.
I love it.
This is the Shadow Realm vibe I expected to find here. And the part of me that swoons at cozy things is completely here for it. It’s almost perfect, save for the large, imposing, warrior-looking man leaning on the balcony, staring out into the darkness.
I suppose I could pretend Sin is a gargoyle. That would fit the aesthetic. And honestly, I think Sin would make the perfect gargoyle.
I debate whether I should turn around and hope he doesn’t notice me when Sin calls out, “Were you going to stare at me all night?”
He sounds annoyed. Maybe I’m intruding on his me time.
With that thought, I make my way over to stand beside him. Kidnappers don’t get me time. They get annoyed by their prisoners.
“So,” I start, “you left the table in a hurry.”
