I hum, once again getting the sinking feeling that I’m the problem.
“How do you cope with the whole blind obedience thing when Irena is awake?” I ask, figuring I may as well learn how Rosie deals.
Rosie looks confused by the question, so I embellish a bit.
“Leon insists that I follow all his orders without hesitation. That it’s my duty as his Keeper to do as he says.”
At that, Rosie snorts, looking at me incredulously. Sin’s expression gives nothing away, but Magnus has less control and starts laughing.
Damien is biting his lips to keep from doing the same but saves me from further confusion. “Red, keep a close eye when Morgana gets back to see who actually calls the shots around here.”
Rosie explains further, “The entire point of a Keeper is to act as a moral compass. Otherwise, the all-powerful creatures could do whatever they wanted. It’s our job to call the shots. Not theirs.”
My shoulders drop a bit at her explanation, and I suddenly feel a lot less horrible about my decision not to release Leon.
Magnus chimes in when he finally has his laughing under control, “I wonder if the Destroyer is overcompensating again when he doesn’t get his way?”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
Magnus sobers. “I’m willing to bet a small fortune that Leon has not returned your memories from your previous life. Or told you the full truth about the night you died.”
I’m momentarily taken aback by the fact that Magnus seems to know about my previous life, but then I assume it’s common knowledge since Morgana used to be part of the Council.
“I – I asked him to, but Leon said removing the block from my previous life’s memories would drive my mortal mind to insanity.” It still seems like a valid reason not to risk it.
Sin, who has been quiet until now, eyes me like he’s trying to figure me out. “Are you so weak-minded that a few memories would drive you to insanity? Mortals are getting weaker.”
He sounds disgusted.
I ignore him.
Rosie saves us from getting into a fight at the table. “I know you’ve been avoiding the topic, and I want to respect that. But I can’t help but notice that you don’t seem impressed with the Destroyer you’re looking after.”
She’s still smiling at me tentatively, so I answer her, once again trying to be careful of how I choose my words, “At the moment, I’m not very pleased. But I’m relieved to be away from the pain and the brain fog so I can finally work through it.”
Rosie frowns. “What fog and pain?”
I pause. “Oh, uhm, you know, the fog and blinding pain at the start – before you accept the bond. Or maybe you accepted it right away?”
I’m feeling stupid now. Way to let everyone know that I’m stubborn and an idiot.
Rosie places a hand on my shoulder, looking concerned. “Vivian, I didn’t accept Irena as my fated mate right away. There was some getting to know each other. But I never felt any pain or had any fog. That – that’s not normal for Keeper bonds, is it, Sin?”
Sin is frowning down at me, as per usual. “No. There’s no pain in a Keeper-Destroyer bond. It should just be an underlying pull towards the other.”
Rosie nods before turning back to me. “Can you describe your bond a bit better? If you don’t mind. Something isn’t adding up. We only want to help.”
My necklace remains cool, and I know she’s telling the truth. As much as the subject makes me want to drown in my shame, I answer, “The bond draws me to Leon; it makes me want to be very –veryclose to him. But it causes me a lot of physical pain if I’m too far from him or if I feel upset with him, and well… if I fight the pull to be, uhm, intimate. The fog comes if I think a little too negatively about the Council. Leon says he’s unaffected because he wholly accepts our bond. The only reason I’m in pain is because I keep fighting it.”
Magnus reads between the lines and doesn’t let me gloss over the sexual aspect of the bond. “So, it makes you want to fuck him. Otherwise, you become debilitated by pain?”
I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I stare at the table, not having the courage to look any of them in the eye after the embarrassing things I’ve just admitted to. “I’m sure it’s normal enough. I – I think maybe it’s because I’m broken,” I add in a whisper.
If you can’t spill your darkest fears in front of your enemies, then where should you be spilling them?
No one says a word.
The sound of Sin’s chair is jolting as he shoves away from the table. I look up at him, surprised. His tattoos are glowing red again, and he looks livid as he storms off without a word.
