So much for the sneaking-in idea.
He tries to stand but stumbles and falls back on his ass, his back slamming against the side of the van. I cringe at the thought of him denting the door.
If he damages my van, I swear I’ll use his head to dent it back out.
Saylor is chuckling as I roll my eyes and step in front of North, reaching out my arm to help him stand. “Come on, you can’t stay here.”
He takes my hand, but instead of standing, he pulls me down, and I end up on his lap, straddling him.
“Hey,” he whispers, our faces inches apart, and my heart starts to race uncontrollably. I’m momentarily hypnotized by his ocean blue eyes that have the same white specks in them as Nash’s until I hear Saylor mutter, “Focus, Boo.”
I scramble off North’s lap and sit beside him, leaning against the van and releasing a long breath.
My feelings are all over the fucking place.
“What are you doing here, North?” I ask, turning my head to look at him.
“I wanted to go home, but I couldn’t leave before I was sure you made it home safe too,” he slurs, his words slow, nothing like the sophisticated North I know.
“Well, I’m here. You can go now,” I tell him, but I know he won’t be able to.
“As if he would find the way like that,” Saylor comments, crossing his arms over his chest. “He would just sit down somewhere else and sleep it off.”
I scrunch up my nose.
I don’t like him much right now, but I would never leave him stranded in the cold.
I’m not like him.
“First, I lost him, then I lost her. Then I lost my fucking self, just to almost lose Lio,” North mumbles, his gaze fixed on me. “But you found me.” Tears start to well in his eyes, and it tugs at my heart.
Why does my heart hurt seeing him like that?
I should enjoy him being at rock bottom.
Sitting on the cold concrete, like he left me.
“I can’t seem to keep one good thing in this life. I can’t seem to not fuck up, just for once. Not for you, and not for Lio. Themost important things and I’m not able to keep them because I’m lost.”
“Maybe because they’re not things,” Saylor points out.
North starts to sob, gripping my hoodie and getting on his knees before me. “Please forgive me, please. I love you… I love you, Sloan.”
Shock runs through me like an electric jolt as I process what he just said.
He’s never called me Sloan before.
“You don’t,” I tell him, trying to pry his hands off me, but he’s holding on too tightly.
“Don’t bother, he’s not gonna remember any of this tomorrow. Let him talk,” Saylor advises with sad eyes.
“Please,please, I love you so damn much.” North’s voice breaks, his breath heavy with alcohol.
“I love you too, but I love myself more. And you don’t stand by and let people you love get treated like shit, even if it’s yourself.” I look up at Saylor, who nods proudly.
“I fucked up. I know. I promise never to hurt you again. Tell me how I can fix this,” North pleads once more, his voice growing heavier.
“You can’t,” I simply state.
