Tears stream down my face as I watch her silhouette slowly step away into the darkness. “Please don’t go. I can’t do this without you.” A sob breaks out of me once more. “What am I even supposed to do when I get out and you’re not there anymore?”
What is there to hold onto and fight for when nothing awaits me outside this dark hole?
“Live our dream for the both of us. You make our road trip just as we planned it, Sloany. You know where to go, what to see. Live a little. Enjoy new places. Sell the house and go far from the people who wronged you. But don’t run away. Explore what life still has ready for you. And take me with you. Spread my ashes into the Atlantic. You know I always wanted to see it.”
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I whimper out.
“Promise me that you will try, sweet girl.” Her voice is soft, but I know her well enough to know this isn’t a plea. It’s a command. Giving up on myself is not a possibility.
“Promise,” I swear, my voice breaking.
I would do everything for her, no matter what it does to me.
“I have no unfinished business, Sloany. Please don’t make me yours,” Nan whispers sadly.
She’s right.
So, I tell her the only thing that matters. “I love you.”
Nan’s voice fades like a distant lullaby. “I’m only a whisper away.”
I wake up with a gasp,my heart pounding in my chest, unable to shake the suffocating darkness of my dream. The room is shrouded in shadows, but a nightlight next to the bed casts a dim glow. I’m disoriented for a moment, struggling to separate the dream from reality.
Where am I?
My gasping startles Nash awake beside me. He blinks in the dim light, confusion in his eyes. “You okay?”
Right, I snuck my way into his room just a few hours ago, and we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Nothing more.
I can’t remember the last time I fell asleep so easily.
Tears well up in my eyes, and I can’t stop them from spilling over. The remnants of the dream still cling to me, leaving me shaken. “She’s gone,” I whimper out.
Nan’s voice, so vivid and comforting in the dream, still echoes in my ears, but now it feels distant, like a memory slipping through my fingers.
Don’t leave me again.
Nash sits up, concern etched across his face. He reaches out to touch my trembling arm. “Sloan, it was just a dream. You’re safe.”
I shake my head, my voice quivering. “It wasn’t a dream. It was a memory. But she’s gone. She’s gone, and I’m alone again.”
I can feel the lump in my throat and the weight on my chest, making it hard to breathe.
Nash’s brow furrows, and he looks at me with compassion. “Who’s gone?”
I take a shuddering breath, trying to steady myself. “My Nan. She was there, talking to me, and now… now I’m awake, and she’s gone again.”
I feel myself drowning in grief for her. But that’s nothing new. Most days, I barely manage to keep my head above water.
Nash wraps his arm around me, stroking my back. “Do you know what it means when someone you love but lost visits you in your dream?”
I bury my face in my hands, overwhelmed by the emotions the dream has stirred up. My voice is shaky when I answer. “No.”
“It means they came to visit you, making sure that you’re okay.” He presses his lips against my temple, lingering for a second before leaning the side of his head against the top of mine.
That’s such a beautiful thought.
