The honesty in his eyes makes me pause, and I search his face. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t want to make you feel like I just want sex from you. I like you. And I would love to be friends, even if you’re not going to give me the benefits anymore.”
He cringes a little as he smiles at me, and I giggle. “So you’re good with words, you say?”
“I already told you, you make me nervous. God knows why. But what do you say? Friends?Goodfriends?”
He pouts in an adorable way, which makes me laugh, but I consider it seriously for a moment.
Good friends get way too close.
“You don’t even know me, Nash,” I protest.
“Oh, I think I know you pretty well,” he replies confidently, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
“My body, maybe, but you don’t knowme.I’m not someone you want to keep around.”
“I highly doubt that,” he tells me, scrunching up his nose.
“Case in point. You would agree if you knew me.” I laugh, but I mean every word.
Nash tilts his head, considering. “Then tell me something no one knows. Let me get to know you and form my own opinion.”
I hesitate for a moment, my eyes searching his.
Do I want to open up to him?I could tell him something safe. When was the last time someone cared or asked about me?
Besides Saylor.
My heart squeezes even more.
“I always wanted a big house, a place to call home and come back to every day. I want to have a garden with herbs, even though I can’t even cook. It’s just… I don’t know, the idea of a house and an herb garden, that’s what’s home for me. And here I am, can’t keep a plant alive for shit and living in a van.”
He raises an eyebrow, intrigued. “Herbs?”
“Shut up.” I roll my eyes, smiling. “I know it’s silly. Your turn, tell me something no one knows.”
Lio starts to cough, so we both turn to look at him, but he returns to searching for sea glass with Jessica by his side, and I look back at Nash.
He takes a deep breath. “I’m jealous of the worst day of my family’s lives.” Silence follows his confession, hanging heavy in the air.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
He isn’t talking about the storm, right?
Nash continues, his voice trembling slightly as he looks to the ocean, “The day everything happened? The day that destroyed my brothers? I’m jealous I wasn’t on the water with them, and I feel horrible for it. They share a trauma I don’t, and it always feels like I’m looking in from the outside, not part of their bond. A bond that was forged through horror, but still, they have a bond I can never be a part of, and they let me feel it every fucking day. They are my whole world, and what they see in me is still the little brother I was seven years ago. I don’t have a higher standing in their minds than Lio. I’m not an equal.”
I sigh, understanding the weight of his words. “Nash,” I whisper.
“I know, it sounds horrible. I’m ashamed of it. I really am. But I can’t change it. I just… I feel alone, even when I’m with them. I’m always alone.”
His confession has just changed my whole perception of him. The easygoing, charming, and friendly Nash I knew may have been a façade.
Maybe it’s all just a mask.
A mask to hide his pain, a pain he can’t share with anyone. It’s a genuine pain—a deserved pain—because I caught a glimpse of what he’s saying. I know what he means.
It’s Hunter and North, and Nash is justthere,treated like the little brother who doesn’t know better. I understand why he’s hurting, and I can also understand why he can’t tell anyone about it. Wishing to have been there when the trauma happened just sounds wrong.
