“Chase—”
“Summer, please.” His words are a plea. One I can’t ignore. I don’t want to overstep, but my God, I can’t understand why, after all this time, he can’t just let me in and let me stay there.
“I’ll leave,” I whisper. “But Chase,” I say, relaxing my body, “When you’re friends with someone… When you’re in arelationshipwith them, helping them and supporting them is what you do. When something happens outside of these four walls, you have to know that there is someone within them who will be there for you. I want to respect what you’re asking and Iwant to give you your space, but I’m not going to stop checking on you.” I wave my phone in front of me. “Keep it charged.”
I lean down, gently brushing my lips against his cheek before walking away and out the door.
“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Mia pushes the cabinet closed after she grabs cups for the boys' water. “Do you know what I would do if Nate ever tried to shut me out and stop me from helping him?”
“You wouldn’t let him.”
“No. I wouldn’t. It’s different when you’re friends before you become more. You know them on a deeper level. There’s more to the story than just meeting and falling in love—there’s history and there’s familiarity. You can call his bluff. He can call yours. You know ticks and grievances. But you also know when they need your love the most.” Mia’s feisty when she’s pregnant and it’s a side of her I’ve grown to love. Soft and sweet little Mia gets put away for nine months when she’s carrying a baby.
I chuckle as I’m helping her put dishes away. “Can I be honest with you about something?”
“When are you not?” She smiles my way.
“I’ve never cared about a relationship before. I know that sounds terrible. But I’ve never cared about the long haul or the big picture. So, being impulsive all the time, doing what I wanted, regardless of what might’ve been ‘right’ in the moment, nevertrulymattered to me. I’ve always kind of been fine with the whole ‘whatever happens, happens’ mantra. I didn’t care if things I said or did bothered any other guy because I was being myself. But with Chase… It’s not that I want to change anything about how I handle myself, but I justwantto care with him. I’mnot even sure I’m making any damn sense right now.” I sigh, getting frustrated with the words I can’t seem to put together. “I want to be the best version of myself. I see—”
“You see the bigger picture; you want the long haul. I get it, it makes sense,” she says, dropping a towel onto the counter.
I slowly nod. “I still gave him a piece of my mind, though. He needed it. But I just… I don’t want to fuck it up.”
“Believe me, any fucking up would not come from you.”
The second Summer leaves, I’m kicking myself for the way I acted. It isn’t her fault that I’m sitting here in a knee brace, but I can’t shake the thought that this is why I don’t get close to people anymore, this is why people are kept at arm’s length. When you let people in, you open yourself up to getting hurt—physically, mentally, emotionally. And my brain won’t allow me to let go of the fact that instead of doing extra rehab, or maybe preparing my body better, I was spending time with her. All of that was my decision, I could have easily opted to spend my time elsewhere, and she would’ve understood without question, but I didn’t. I let Kristen’s old words linger in the back of my mind from the night she left. Telling me that I wasn’t giving her enough, doing enough, before she ultimately told me she wasn’t interested in anything I was trying to offer.
THREE YEARS AGO
“What the fuck, Chase? I asked you over and over what time you’d be back and you never responded to me.”
“I was at practice, Kris. I didn’t have my phone on me. I’m sorry. I texted you as soon as I got back to the locker room.”
She whips a bag out from underneath the bed and grabs a handful of clothes from the floor. Whether they’re clean or dirty I couldn’t tell you. Our life has been in complete chaos since we brought CeCe home, but it’s also been some of the best days of my life. The other day, she napped on my chest and held my finger the entire time. It was the sweetest fucking thing and I couldn’t resist sending a picture to the guys.
“I can’t do this myself. I don’t want to do it by myself.”
“You aren’t by yourself. I was at practice. It’s my job, Kris. I said I’m sorry that I didn’t get back to you. You’re acting like I was out at a goddamn bar or something and just ignoring you. That’s not me and you know it.”
I glance into the bassinet where CeCe is still fast asleep, thankfully. Two months old or twenty years old, I won’t argue with her mother in front of her.
For the life of me, I can’t piece together why something like this is all of a sudden making her so upset. She stopped working before CeCe was born and moved in here because I told her I would take care of both of them. I didn’t want her to feel any more overwhelmed than I could already tell she was. I had thought maybe taking some pressures off of her with work would be helpful and she agreed at the time.
“I don’t know how to do this,” she whispers, and my heart aches for her. “I don’t know if I even want to and it makes me feel terrible. But it’s the truth.”
“Hey, listen.” I cup her face before pulling her close to my chest in a hug. She’s frail and her skin feels ice cold. It’s easy to see she’s struggling now that I’m staring at her like this. Is this my fault? Should I have taken more time away from the team once CeCe was born?
“You’re figuring it out. We both are. You’re doing a great job, Kris, and I’m so sorry that this is hard. But you can do this. I’m here to help you.”
She pulls away from me briefly before she glances at the clothes spilling from the bag she half packed.
“But I don’t know if I want to. I’m only twenty-three, Chase. Being a parent wasn’t exactly on my list of things I wanted to do before thirty.”
Panic starts to flood my thoughts and my body tenses. She never told me she didn’t want this.
She begins emptying the dresser where her things are, placing them into the bag and all I can do is stare at her. What in the hell is going on right now?
“What are you doing?” I finally ask after she zips the bag.
