When it ends, we both sit there and watch the credits roll. It’s just past ten and I wish I could say I felt exhausted, but I feel awake and alert. It could be the fact that the storm outside is just as strong as it was hours ago which is keeping me alert or the fact that I am acutely aware of where I am.
At home, Chase is the same Chase I’ve known for years. He’s gotten a little rougher around the edges, but he’s still thoughtful and kind, funny, and makes me feel safe. Even though sometimes I’m sure he wishes he could staple my mouth shut. It’s kind of interesting to watch, actually. He’s so much more guarded when he’s out, even around his friends, it’s like he’s constantly on watch. He tries to hide this part of him, the tender pieces. It just makes me wonder if it’s some kind of defense mechanism.
He glances at the time on his phone and then turns to me. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” I whisper into the dark.
His head is leaning back on the couch cushion and aside from the rain still beating away outside, there’s nothing but stillness, quiet.
“When I mentioned Drew the first night you were here, why didn’t you tell me you broke up?”
“I didn’t see a reason to, it doesn’t matter. I’m guessing Abby told you.”
“It matters if you’re upset. Are you okay?”
He sits up, giving me his full attention, keeping his golden brown eyes trained on me.
The TV has gone into sleep mode, making the screen black and leaving the only light in the living room being the fireplace and the pieces of lightning that set the sky ablaze every so often.
“I’m okay, believe me.” I laugh. “Why?”
“I’m not heartless. We’re still friends, even when you’re being a menace.”
My lips press together to stop a smile from escaping.
“Can’t have your sole babysitter become a pathetic blubbering mess, is that it?”
A groan rumbles from his chest as he sits there, arms hanging on either side with his massive hands carefully placed on the couch for a beat before he speaks again.
“Yeah, that’s it.”
Summer has a knack for making everything seem more difficult. Even in the moments when she’s actually being helpful, she can’t stop herself from side comments and challenging me. Pardon me for wanting to protect her from getting swept up in a tornado or stranded in flooded water. Is it that hard for her to accept my help now?
Wow, if that’s not the pot calling the kettle black.
I’m not surprised at the liking CeCe has taken to having Summer around more, though. She loved being around my sister all the time and Summer is just like another version of that, only with even less rules probably. When she wanted her to stop in her bedroom before bed, I knew she was probably going to give her a stuffed animal to sleep with. What I didn’t expect was for Summer to come out of the room and compliment me—or my parenting. It’s not that I’ve never been told I’m doing a good job and it’s not like I need to hear it around the clock, but every timeI do, I have to allow myself to believe it. I have to take a minute and let it sink in. Because for so long,so fucking long, I didn’t know if I was doing a good job or if I was screwing her up.
I give Summer a lot of shit—in some ways, it’s just how our dynamic has always worked. She bothers me, I complain she’s annoying me, rinse and repeat. But I can’t help but wonder if in some really twisted way, Liam isn’t completely off base. Maybe I do enjoy it.
It startled me when she walked out of my bedroom wearing my t-shirt and shorts. Not because I forgot she was here, but because seeing Summer lately has been throwing my normal annoyance with her for a loop. I’ve never looked twice at Summer and I’ve never thought about her after she’s left a room.
Am I just lonely? Is it because she’s been spending so much time around lately and being so helpful with CeCe that it’s forcing me to see her as more than the kid with a crush?
Her face was bare of any make up and the way she seemed to just float across the room like she belonged there made the hair on my arms stand up. Seeing her watch the documentary was thrilling, somehow. She smiled when they talked about baby birds and covered her eyes when an inevitable circle of life moment came on and one bird wasn’t so lucky against a bigger animal. Alarm bells were ringing in my ears, telling me to get a fucking grip and not let my mind wander, but for some reason in the last week, Summer’s gotten under my skin and not in the way she usually does.
Hearing her and Dr. Know-It-All broke up was actually a relief. And that’s simply because the guy thought he knew more about the game of football than anyone else and would constantly comment on what he’d change about our team. A passionate fan is one thing, but I wouldn’t even call him a fan, more like a giant pain in the ass who just liked to hear himself talk.
“Do you want a drink?” I ask, instantly wondering if I’m stepping into dangerous territory here.
“Um… just water, thanks.” Her voice goes up as she looks up from her phone.
I get up from the couch and walk into the kitchen to grab two water bottles, handing her one before sitting back down. The moment I do, there’s more thunder and another earth-shattering crack of lightning, causing the lights to flicker and power to go out immediately. I see the moment it happens downtown as the lights in buildings across from me all disappear at the same moment.
“I’ll be right back,” I say, walking down the hall to check on CeCe.
When I peek my head into CeCe’s room, she’s still fast asleep. The power loss made her sound machine turn off, but at least it somehow didn’t wake her up. Her stuffed animal is still tightly tucked under her arm when I briefly flash the light on my phone into her room to get a better look. I quietly close the door and walk back over to the living room. I don’t see Summer when I walk down the hall and it has me wondering if maybe she decided to call it a night. I guess I wouldn’t blame her.
But then I hear a faint noise in the kitchen followed by “shit” and figure I’ve found her.
