I hear Mia’s voice as I’m stirring awake and see her standing over her bag, tossing items in with the phone between her shoulder and ear. Slowly sitting up, I glance at the time. Felt good to get some decent sleep, but now we need to get back on the road.
“Everything okay?” I ask as she rushes past me, grabbing her toiletries from the bathroom.
“Yep. All good.” The smile she just gave me was completely forced. I’m actually offended that she thinks I would buy that shit.
The way she’s flying around the room, tossing things in her bag, tells me she just wants to get on the road.
The GPS reads six hours left until we’re back in Florida. Mia’s been quiet most of the ride, texting on her phone and dozing off every now and then. I can’t help but be a nervous fucking wreck about my confession last night. That wasn’t in the plan, hell none of this was in the plan. I had no intention of rediscovering my feelings for her, but everything changed when I had the real thought that someday another guy could come in and replace me. We’d always be friends, sure, but the reality of it is, if she were to meet someone else and end up marrying them, there goes our impromptu dinners, or daily FaceTime calls. No more Monday morning workouts or late nights at the abandoned lot. The thought of another man doing those things with her makes me fucking crazy. Crazy enough to spill all of my thoughts and feelings all over her last night.
“Is everything okay, Mi? That phone call this morning seemed to upset you.” Gripping the steering wheel, I brace myself for her reply.
“Yeah.” She sighs. “It was Hannah. I think she’s about to be evicted.” Her laugh is sarcastic and forced. And it kills me that she’s carrying everyone else’s weight around with her.
“What? Why?”
“Funny story… Well, actually, it’s not. But Hannah has been seeing someone, which is news to me, but he apparently stole money from her and then left her.” Mia presses her thumbs into the bridge of her nose before continuing. “She really knows how to pick them.”
Having someone just up and leave is a big fear of Mia’s, that much I know. While she doesn’t talk about her mom a ton, I know the gist of what happened.
“So she needs to borrow money?” I ask.
“Well, sadly for her I’m fresh out after paying for everything my dad needed. So if she wants my help, she’ll have to accept it in the form of a guest bedroom. I don’t have extra money to just throw at her problems right now, but I guess she can stay with me if she needs to. She’s going to hate that idea though.” The dinging sound of a text message comes through and Mia glances at her phone with the shake of her head.
“Ha. See.” She holds up the message on her phone, showing me where her sister says ‘pass’ when Mia offers to have her stay with her.
“You’d think she would just accept the help. I told her she can stay with me for a while to find another cheaper place and get back on her feet.”
“Some people are just too stubborn to accept help, Mi. You’re doing more than enough for your dad and your sister, it’s on her if she doesn’t want to accept your help. You did your part, you offered her a solution.”
Her head nods at me as she turns to face the window. The sound of the drops hitting the windshield is the only thing I hear for the next hour, and once we’re within Florida state lines, Mia’s attention is back on her phone, scrolling through emails and getting herself ready to dive back into reality tomorrow.
Back to normal.
Back to probably planning her date with Hughes.
God, I almost kissed him. I almost pulled his mouth against mine in that dingy hotel bathroom all because my body parts were in agony remembering the way it felt being in his arms the night before. Every time Nate has looked at me over the course of the last week, it’s felt like I’ve been back in college. We’ve always been flirty with one another—that’s not new. But it felt deeper, more real and more intense. Plus, the fact that he showed me just how good he is with his hands is doing all sorts of things to me mentally and emotionally.
I can’t believe he remembered everything about the night in college so vividly. I know people have been telling me for a while that there’s more to my friendship with Nate, and while I never completely ruled it out, I also never fed into it. I realize that back in college he had feelings for me—hell, he flat out admitted all of that. But hearing from him that the feelings are still there, that he still wants me in the same way he did years ago… I didn’texpect it. Maybe that makes me naïve to sit here and say I had no idea my best friend feels that way, but I didn’t. I think we can always speculate all we want, but until someone says something, it’s all just assumptions and guessing. But now, there’s no more guessing, no more speculating or assuming… Nate said to tell him when I’m ready. So now what the fuck do I do?
I think for a long time I hoped he’d try again. Part of me hoped that maybe I’d get a chance to redo what I passed up on the first time, if for nothing but simply out of curiosity. I’d seen him with other women and always wondered how they felt being on the receiving end of such devotion, such intimate stares and touches.
I never wanted to admit it. I never thought I’d be in the situation again. Sure, at times I wished I would’ve just given in that night and not been so in my head about the aftermath. But if I would’ve given in back then, would we still have the friendship we have now? Would Nate still be my best friend or would he be just a distant memory of someone I once knew?
Lately, everything feels like it’s straight out of a movie. Some romcom, where the best friends realize they have feelings for each other while sitting outside next to a bonfire.
I have a lot of uncertain people in my life, but Nate’s never been one of them. He’s been my safe place, my solace, the steady and reliable man in my life that I’ve so desperately needed since I was fifteen. But it’s a bold-faced lie to sit here and say that I’ve never thought of us being more than friends. Our friendship has always taken precedence over anything else.
I’m supposed to meet Summer and Abby for brunch, but called to have them just come over instead. I don’t feel like putting on real clothes and the chances of me crying right now feel dangerously high. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but everything feels like too much. I’m not a crier generally, but in the last few weeks I’ve been more emotional. Between thingswith my dad, my sister and the lost dream of that studio, I just feel so defeated. And now, add the confusion with Nate on top of it, I don’t know what to do.
“Mia.” I hear my name as I’m lying on the floor in my living room. This feels over dramatic, but the hard floor under this area rug feels good on my back and staring up at the moving fan, following a single blade around and around is distracting me from my actual thoughts and feelings.
“Down here,” I say, raising an arm in the air.
“Oh, God. She’s broken.”
Summer comes and sits next to me, while I catch Abby grabbing paper plates from the pantry.
“Something clearly happened, what’s going on?” Summer’s blue eyes remind me of Nate’s as I’m looking at her right now. Except his eyes have so much more sapphire to them.
