I could get up, I think as I stay there. I could take a break and sit. I’ll hear his footsteps when he comes back; there’s no reason for me not to give myself some reprieve.
But out of stubbornness, or pride, or some other reason that I can’t explain even to myself, I don’t. I stay there, my mind drifting, my body screaming, wondering how I got here—to this place, this moment, where I’m kneeling in a man’s office waiting for him to give me permission to stand again.
After what feels like an uncertain amount of time, I hear the door open and the soft thud of his feet on the wood. He walks around me, and then stops, just in front of me, so close I could reach out and touch him if I wanted to.
Which I don't. I never want to touch him again.
"Look at me," he says.
I keep my head bowed, my eyes fixed on the floor.
"Mara. Look at me." His voice is a soft command, almost gentle, but firm all the same. I know if I don’t obey, I’ll never beallowed up. And some part of me, something deep within those dark recesses that seem to respond to him,wantsto obey him—wants his approval, his pleasure, his forgiveness, even.
Slowly, reluctantly, I raise my head. He's looking down at me with an implacable expression. In his hand, he's holding a strip of glittering, sparkling diamonds.
The choker.
"Put it on." He holds it out to me, and I know what obeying would mean. I stare at the sparkling jewels, and that same dark part of me wants to reach for it, to hold it to my throat, bend my head for him to clasp it at the back of my neck. I know what would come next… his hands on me, bending me over his desk, his body thrusting into mine, claiming me. Pleasure… so much pleasure.
My jaw tightens. "No."
A muscle ticks in the side of his cheek. "Put it on, Mara. Accept who you belong to."
My eyes widen, anger flaring. "I don't belong to you. I'll never?—"
"You do. You know you do. That's why you're on your knees right now. That's why you kissed me that first night. Why you came for me."
The words hit too close to home. I snatch the choker from his hand and throw it across the room with all the strength I have left. It hits the wall and falls to the floor, spilling onto the wood in a glitter of diamonds and platinum.
"I will never wear that," I say, my voice shaking with rage. "I will never accept this. I will never?—"
"You will." He crouches down in front of me, bringing his face level with mine. "You'll learn, Mara. You'll learn who you belong to. You'll learn what it means to be mine."
"I'm not yours."
"You are. And I'm going to prove it to you." He stands, looking down at me with those cold, certain eyes as he backs up to the desk, putting a foot of space between us, at least. "Crawl to me."
The words don't make sense at first. Then they do, and the humiliation is so intense it's almost physical.
"What?" The word sounds thick in my mouth.
His face is hard, his jaw tight. "You heard me. Crawl across the room and retrieve the choker. Bring it back to me. On your knees."
I glare at him, shaking all over with exhaustion and anger. "I won't?—"
"You will. Or you'll stay on your knees until you do. I have all the time in the world, Mara."
He walks back to his desk and sits down, returning to his work as if he hasn't just asked me to debase myself in the most humiliating way possible.
I stare at him, my whole body trembling with rage and exhaustion. He can't be serious. He can't actually expect me to crawl across the floor like an animal, retrieve the symbol of my own captivity, and bring it back to him like an offering.
But he does.And he's making it clear that he'll wait as long as it takes.
My knees are screaming now, the pain building with each passing second. My back aches, my neck aches, everything aches. I don't know how much longer I can hold this position, don't know how much more my body can take.
But I won't crawl. I won't give him that. I won't?—
"You're only hurting yourself," he says without looking up from his computer. "Your pride isn't worth this much pain, Mara. Just do what I've asked, and this can be over.” He glances up, briefly. “I’ll even reward you. Imagine, pleasure instead ofpain. You’re suffering for nothing. I’ll give you everything, if you’ll only?—”
