I force myself to look at him and not at my hands twisting around in my lap. “Well, yeah, because why would you? You may be my dad’s friend, but you don’t know me. You’ve never taken the time to talk to me outside of making sure I send in reports, and the few times I’ve been at my parents the same time as you, you never acknowledge me. You stare at me, but you don’t talk to me.”
Stillness falls around the office. My words hang in the air. It sounds desperate, and I don’t want to be that woman. I don’t want Nolan to know how much it bothers me to be ignored by him. And I don'twantto want him. Especially now that Eros is in the picture.
But I do.
“I didn’t realize you noticed.” His voice is painfully low but I heard him.
“I—”
The office door swings open and my father’s voice precedes him. “Nolan, Sandy and I are having a dinner party tomorrow night. I’ve invited the mayors from Fairvale and Cornelia and I need you to be there,” my fathercommands, barely registering I’m here. “And oh—Harper you're here.”
“I was just leaving.” My voice lacked any warmth I used to possess for him, the part that yearned for my father's affection died a long time ago.
He doesn’t notice, he never does. “Your mother would’ve invited you but it’s very last minute, you understand.”
“Don’t worry about it. I have plans tomorrow night anyway.”
He looks all too pleased that I won’t be tainting his perfect dinner party. I can’t even remember the last time my parents asked me to dinner and not as an after thought.
Standing from my chair, I swipe the card from the table while my father is fiddling with his tie. “Thank you, Mr. Archer. I’ll be done and have this back to you soon,” I say, almost robotic.
Nolan’s eyes leave scorch marks in my back as I leave, making me feel almost guilty for going to see Eros tomorrow.
But why?
I’m not tied to anyone, I’m free to see whomever I want, whenever I want. So why does one soft look from Nolan, and one single hint that I’m not just some employee, or his friend's daughter, send me into some sort of sexual crisis mode?
February 3
My second drive toMidnights is less sweaty. Which is great for my make up, but the nerves were still plucking at my system. Meeting Eros without our masks feels more daunting than choosing to come to a sex club in the first place. Almost as if it’s more realsomehow.
A couple exits their car at the same time as I do. The woman offers me a polite smile before taking her partner's hand, confidently strolling toward the building. One tiny, simple gesture and an ache rolls through my gut. Even though I know it shouldn’t. Weren’t we all here for the same reason? If anything, I should feel more at ease, but my walk to the entrance is done slowly, with my thumbs nervously flicking along my fingertips.
At least the bouncer is a familiar face. Even if it’s still as stoic with zero hint that he recognizes me. “Name?” he asks, clearly focused on getting people inside and nothing else. When I give him my name, and he doesn’t turn me away, my breathing becomes lighter.
But the relief is short-lived. I have no idea what Eros looks like. All I know is he has dark hair, and looking around more than half of these men fit the criteria. I’m not even sure if any random person would know his code name. I definitely didn’t ask enough questions before agreeing to this.
This is one time I wish I were more outgoing, maybe more like my sister, able to command any room I walk into. But instead, I slide toward the first empty space I spot and wait for…well I don’t really know who. That’s my whole problem but melting into the wall is not the way to get noticed by a man who doesn’t know what I look like but it's the only thing that feels right.
My saving grace comes in the form of a smiling Maxine. She walks directly toward me, politely greeting a few people as she moves through the crowd. Tonight, she’s in black again, but a jaw dropping two piece fitted suit that glistens with each step, thousands of stars sewn directly into the fabric. Her jacket hangs open and underneath is only a matching bra that sits against her deep olive toned skin.
“Psyche,” she greets, bending to kiss me quickly on each cheek like she would an old friend.
Clumsily bumping against her cheek, I return the gesture and fumble over a simple hello. For some reason I didn’t expect her to remember me. Maxine saw guests every night and while this is only my second night, she acts as if I'm a member she sees regularly. Probably why this place is so successful. If you can make even the most timid of people feel welcome and secure in an environment, then they’ll be more willing to come back.
Although the use of the code name she gave me last time was unexpected. I lean in and ask, “I’m sorry, but are we supposed to use those names still? I thought it was only for the open house.”
Her ruby red lips part in a laugh. “You don’t have to, but I think it suits you.”
I’m choosing to ignore the unknown meaning in her words. Maxine steps out of my view, and I expect her to walk off and mingle with the rest of her guests, but I’m surprised as she shifts to stand at my side.
“Everyone you see here started out just like you.”
My head turns to look at her, “What do you mean?”
“You’re nervous.”
“So everyone keeps saying.”
