The next morning, I didn’t wake up with the sun, in fact, I had no idea what time it was because the hotel blackout curtains were working overtime. What I did know was I woke up in a tangleof limbs and sheets. Theo was on his stomach with one of his arms thrown over my waist where my shirt had ridden up during the night. His leg pinned down my own, and there was a buzzing beginning in my toes from the lack of circulation. But I didn’t want to move and break this moment.
I had forgotten what it was like waking up in someone’s arms and being wrapped in the warmth that they would lend you through the night. This was what I had been missing, and it was like I’d gotten a little piece of it back.
He stirred slightly, his legs stretching out as his hand cinched tighter around my waist. I was dragged in closer to him, and he turned to meet me in the middle. His head nuzzled into the crook of my neck when I told him good morning.
“This might be my favorite morning,” he replied, his voice muffled by my hair that was undoubtedly in his mouth by now.
I inevitably tore myself away from him and went to the bed to start packing. Within the hour, Theo walked me to where my car was parked; he was staying a bit longer to help pack up the photos and for a meeting.
He pulled open the passenger door and set my bags inside before coming over to my window. He rested his forearms on the window and leaned in so he was closer to me.
“Can I take you to dinner tomorrow?”
“Another date already?” I feigned an exasperated look, but inside, my heart was soaring.
“A date or just a dinner; doesn’t matter the word, as long as I can see you.” He leaned through the window and kissed me. Itwas slow and sweet. He kissed me and I wanted to say yes to any question he asked.
With a foggy mind, I ruined all his plans. “Sorry, I can’t. Abby and Carina are coming over for dinner.” Crestfallen, he told me he’d let me know once he was back, and I, in turn, promised him dinner the following night.
If my favorite sight was Theo in the morning, then watching him in a rearview mirror as I left had to be the worst.
twenty-eight
Lennon
Dusk was barely settlingover Fairvale the next night when Abby and Carina blew through my front doors like a pair of twin twisters. Bags of groceries and drinks were littered on my kitchen counter before they pounced on me in the living room, firing questions one after another.
Abby met Carina when she started at ALA Law about seven years ago. Carina was everything I wasn’t, but wished I was—outgoing, alluring, and headstrong. The two became fast friends, and soon after, the three of us were always together. Carina said what was on her mind, no matter if someone might think it was offensive or crass, but I liked that most about her. When she found me on the couch, the first thing she said was, “So, did you sleep with him now?” I didn’t even bat an eye. Instead, I produced the most dramatic eye roll in existence.
“Is that a yes? I can’t tell,” she said while Abby nodded fervently behind her in agreement.
“You two are the worst.” They both groaned in disappointment, but they left the matter alone, for a while at least.
We were three bottles of wine deep, and had polished off some of the best Italian food, courtesy of Carina and her mother’s recipes, and I couldn’t dream up a better night to spend with them. My sides were pinched and my cheeks were aching in laughter from listening to Carina rehash an argument she had with a co-worker this morning. “He’s infuriating. I just want to...” She made a strangling hand gesture as Abby doubled over on the couch.
“Tell us about the photo exhibition, Lennon.”
“Mmm,” I hummed out as I placed my glass down and stood. “It was beautiful. I know I was there with him, but the photos he took are impossible to describe. He’s so talented, and kind, and you wouldn’t believe the final room he had set up even if I told you.” My heart practically skipped a beat, and my stomach flipped back and forth, thinking about last night.
I’d never been one for grand gestures, but seeing that room filled with photos was a moment I would cherish forever, not because they were of me, but because they were how I looked through Theo’s eyes.
“Aww, look at her, Carina. She likes him,” Abby teased. I let out a heavy sigh as I flopped back down on the couch.
“I do, I really do.” A weight lifted off my shoulders by saying it out loud with somebody other than my reflection to hear. Theyboth squealed in excitement, and the rest of the night I was hounded by questions from each of them.
Carina never knew me before Camden, so she mainly asked for every detail about Theo and about our teenage years together. At some point, my phone went off and a message from Theo flashed across the screen and caused my heart to flip.
I’m home. The final meeting went on way longer than I thought and I’m ready to crash.
It’s so late. I’m glad you’re back. Sweet dreams, and I’ll see you tomorrow!
My dreams are of you, so no matter what, they always are, love.
There was a darkness I found myself in after Camden died, a place that was so void of light I eventually forgot what the world looked like. All the things that had once brought me joy in life seemed to vanish. The sun lost its warmth and the stars their sparkle. I had forgotten what it was like to feel at all, or how it felt to have someone douse me with affection. Camden had lived his life for me and my happiness. There was not a moment that went by where I was not reminded of his unwavering devotion. I was wrapped in constant warmth and light when I was with him, but it all vanished the moment he did.
Within a few short months of being close to Theo, there were moments where I would catch glimpses of what I had lost, brief flashes of light. Now, though—now, they’re all I see. A blazinginferno that had me desperate for more. More light, more warmth, more love—more Theo.
Both girls helped with the cleanup of the kitchen, and Carina left soon after. Abby approached me from behind before we left the kitchen. “I love seeing you like this,” she said, resting her chin on my shoulder. It was simple enough to appear a certain way to the public, but to have Abby notice the change in me was entirely different.
