I was hoping to exude confidence, enough to make it through the date without a full breakdown. The front door swung open and Abby’s voice carried back to my room. She appeared a few seconds later in the doorway and let out a low whistle.
“Damn, Lennon, you still got it.” This remark earned her an eye roll so hard I think I saw my brain for a second. Her reflection appeared in the mirror as she flopped onto my bed. She landedso her head hung over the side closest to me and stared a bit before rolling back over.
Her tongue clicked. “So, how did Theo take it when you told him about your date?” There was a gleeful sort of smirk spreading across her face.
“Fine. He didn’t say much but—“ I whipped around to face her; the smile was only bigger. “How do you know that I told him?”
“We talk,” she stated simply.
“You talk?”
“Yeah.”
She offered nothing more to the conversation, but there were about a thousand questions running through my mind at that statement.
Why did they still talk? What did they talk about? My mind was spiraling.
Did they talk about me?
Then I realized if they talked, then she knew he was coming back. She knew and she let me spiral for longer than I’d admit. What was I supposed to do with this information? I didn't enjoy being kept in the dark. Surprises, on any type of level, and I do not mix.
However, before I completely derailed, she answered.
“You forget that I was close to him, too. Yeah, you were his girlfriend, and you guys were in love—blah, blah, blah. But Theo was like a brother to me during that time. Every time you’d call him over after mom would disappear in the middle of the night to go drinking, God knows where, he didn’t check up on just you.Every time, he made a point to make sure I was doing okay, too,” she admitted to me. The bed squeaked as she rolled off and walked towards me. “He’s a good man, Lennon, so yeah, we still talk.”
My gaze softened as I looked back at my sister. At the same time there was a clenching inside of my chest. A tightness that came with the pain of growing up with a parent who never really cared about us.
Without realizing what I had been doing throughout the years, I had blocked out most of the pain our mother had put us through. As much as I’d like to forget everything, it was impossible to forget the way she made us out to be the problem. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t forget her sneaking out of the house and leaving us alone to go drinking, the bottles of liquor she would attempt to hide around the house, or the way she would beg me to tell her I loved her when she was drunk. As if my words would erase all her wrongdoings.
I drew in a ragged breath as the memories I’d stamped down bubbled their way up out of the recesses of my mind. If I were a better person, I would have something to say back to Abby, but expressing myself had never been easy. I wondered what Theo would say to her in a moment like this or any of the nights I would call him over for my own comfort.
It had only been a few days since I last saw Theo. I was surprised by how much I missed him in my home, although I really shouldn’t be. He noted the details of my life and committed them to memory, the little things that I only had to mention once in passing. Like how I preferred my plates stacked with the bowlsresting on top instead of off to the side. Or how he would load and start the dishwasher before he left because he knew I slept better, knowing everything would be clean when I woke up.
My mind lingered on the last night we were together and howhis hand slid into my hair and that smile that lit the room on fire. What I wouldn’t give to have him pull me in a little closer, and finally have his lips on mine once more.
“What are you thinking about?” Abby’s voice pulled me back suddenly.
Shit.
“Nothing.”
“Sure, nothing.” She laughed out as she left my room and made her way to the living room. My shoes clicked against the hardwood as I followed her and shook my head to rid myself of my thoughts.
“You going to hang out here while I’m gone?” It wasn’t really a question. I knew she would want to know how it went as soon as I got home. And since I was not reliable enough to text her as fast as she would like, she made herself comfortable on my couch, set on waiting me out.
“I’ll be here,” she shouted at me while I walked out the door.
There was a bundle of nerves wrapping themselves around my stomach as I backed my car out of the driveway. The odds of this night derailing are pretty good and there was a nervous breakdown tugging at the back of my conscience like a warning.
What did you even talk about on a first date? If I had to sit through dinner and talk about mundane things like ‘what do you do for work’ or ‘what’s your favorite color’, I might actuallyscream. Hopefully, my overthinking was getting the best of me and this night went smoothly. I wasn’t looking for anything long term, or really anything past dinner, but if I could do this, then maybe I’d be more willing to let Theo in.
If he wanted that too, that is.
God, I hoped he wanted to.
It was so easy with him—too easy.
There were no awkward lulls in conversation that threw me into a panic, thinking I was talking too much or not enough. He kept me laughing and calm, and when I was with him, life didn’t seem so hard.
